R15 7 Roll Out, Roll Deep, Slow Your Roll

July 18: Roll Out

I am going to blame what happened next on Pochy. And I can do that because this is my blog.

Pochy gets down to business.

Now, I would say 2015 was the year of the eager, or re-eager-ized, Beaver. This was Pochy's first full ragby, and she had a lot of ambitions.

For 1, she wanted to prove herself to the beavers (no one told her that we are pretty easy to impress.)

Self Master!

For 2, I believe she wanted to leave her own indelible mark on both ragby and Team Beaver.

Pochy and her mentor, Too Much

For 3, she was bound and determined to document every single waking moment on SnapChat.*

She'll do anything to win!

*Okay, that was my fault. I thought it would be fun to share the fun of ragby with my friend, and non-ragby rider, Captain Pete. So, I made it a contest.

Tip: if you want to get Pochy to do anything, make it a contest. I am considering a get-me-a-sandwich contest this winter break. Start training.

Linda, uh, listen...

The person who could send the best/most SnapChats documenting Ragby and Team Beaver would win, something.

Not sure what she's explaining. 

And so, with coolers full of beer, and Pochy's champagne, we set forth towards Sioux City.

The other factor I had not considered was the Dale. The Dale was thirsty. He was eager to get to Sioux City so he could enjoy all the liquid fun of the day. He drove that RV like a beaver out of hell. Frankly, I didn't know RVs could go so fast, but I guess when the beavers are covering the gas, you can get those wheels spinning.

Beaver 2!

I had estimated that it would take about four hours to drive to Sioux City, and I thought I had about four hours to get tipsy and then chill before our arrival in SUX.

Burning down the interstate!

That is not what happened. A combined effect of Pochy's champagne, an Ark full of hilarious beavers, and the hyperspeed that which we were traveling down the interstate made me get super-do-duper wasted, as you can see from the images displayed here.

Oh Lord.

Also, I will remind everyone that this is where I broke my phone, again. I had just gotten the replacement phone for the phone I broke over the 4th of July. I was squating down to do a dance move was it? My ass was no more than 18 inches from the relatively soft laminate floor of the RV when my phone leaped from my pocket, spiderwebbing the screen.

For a minute I was concerned that I would have no phone for the ragby, but it came back to life, and I am happy to report as worked semi-fine up until this very day. #Boom.

Sad moment.

R15 6 Reunited and It Feels So Good!

And there, snapping in the breeze, high above the Wal-Mart parking lot: the flag! The Beaver Flag!

Installation!

The team was gathering at the Wal-Mart in Grimes parking lot. This year, as opposed to previous years, we could identify the RV as our RV, because, besides the bikes, and grey and pink shirts, and luggage and beer, there was a flag!

The majesty!

The Deb dreamed it and Pochy brought it into existence!

I had never been to the Beaver Ark Roll Out Round Up before, and it was pure delightful chaos. Cars were being unloaded, beavers were arriving and departing, people were exchanging the year's collection of tshirts and jerseys and money. Coolers were filled, cheeseballs were sought in the Wal-Mart.

It was magical!

Nearly the moment I hopped out of Perfect Fit's truck, Steven grabbed me and put a Thai friendship on my wrist that said Team Beaver. (So, so much branding).

The Deb and the Dale were loading gear into the Ark in their usual accustomed fashion. I made some small talk with some friends of a friend who were riding out to Sioux City with us. (We charged them $20 bucks and 12-pack of beer and set them up in the Jeep with the Deb.)

And, before we knew it, the Ark was loaded.

In the midst of our goodbyes to the folks who were not so lucky to get to go on the Ragby (the award goes out to Grandma, who would be solo watching their twins with a busted arm), we found a moment to take a group picture.

I think we look pretty good...

Beavers before!

R15 5 Thanks Perfect Fit!

The morning of the #rollout dawned hot and muggy and perfect. Too Much and I had a quick coffee, cleaned up, and started moving a mountain of gear, down the two flights of stairs from the #cits. 

Gear!

[Note on Beaverlogistics: another innovation of this year's ragby was the fee structure. As the team grew, we were struggling with the receipts and reimbursement. This year, we asked each team member to contribute $215 and a case of beer. I think this system went swimmingly. Steven and the Mayor were not completely convinced.]

Too Much and I needed a ride to the Grimes Walmart, where we would meet the rest of the team for our 9am departure. Therefore I needed someone with a bike rack, some time on a Saturday morning, and who was cool as shit. I asked Perfect Fit (formerly known as Rrrryan). 

Too Much's Got a New Bike! 

He arrived right on time, wearing his newly issued uniform, and we loaded up his truck for the short ride to Grimes. 

Nothing like a perfectly fitted beaver.

We were deeply saddened that Perfect Fit couldn't join us on the ragby this year. He was busy getting a fancy promotion and being the boss of everything and all hot husbandly and stuff. 

And we were off! 

R15 4 Hot Too Much in the #CITyS

One of my favorite traditions of pre-ragby is the pre-ragby sleep over. I missed the sleep over from ragby 2014, the ragby in which Too Much and the White Tiger tagged everything they could get their paws on, including, it is rumored, Holiday. I was boozing and snoozing in Rock Valley after the #rideout.

Due to a change of life circumstances, though, my new accommodations in the Cabin in the Sky did not offer such charming features such as central air conditioning or a shower one could stand up in. I did warn Too Much about this when he asked if he could crash with me before the roll out. "Too Much," I said, "it's 200 degrees up there, are you sure?" 

He said yes, and I will admit I was delighted. Too Much is just too much fun and I can't imagine anyone more fun than he to have a steamy, preragby sleep over. 

Even better, he brought me a bunch of Surly! Word had not reached Too Much that Surly is now available in DSM, so he brought me some Pentagram, Coffee Bender, and Furious. We had a celebratory Pentagram and then adjourned to the Library Cafe where we could eat hamburgers and drink beer. 

I invited the Tiger to come along. He and Too Much are like kits from another mit. A good time was had by all. 

Eventually, Too Much and I returned to the #cits, and even though I had run the window unit all day, it was still 10,000 degrees up there. We positions fans as best as we could for maximum air flow and took our last snooze before ragby. 

In hindsight, that was probably the hottest, most uncomfortable night of ragby 2015, but who cares? The best week of the year was about to begin! Huzzah!

R15 3 Preparations and Additions

For the life of me I could not convince Goldie to come with us on RAGBY, something about children, or work, or something. She did promise she'd try to join us for a day. 

I went with a slightly different shade this year. Still on brand.

But Goldie did join me for a great pre-ragby tradition. Getting the nails did. 

Looking pretty! 

Too Much participating in the nails, via Snap Chat

Of course, I didn't have a lot to do for preparations because of the important new additions to ragby this year: my executive assistant. 

Many of you know, my official title is Chief Executive Beaver. Or if you are Too Much,  Chief Beaver in Charge (CBIC), but as you might also know, I am more of an "idea" beaver than a "do" beaver. 

This year though I have a do-beaver of my very own. Pochy has been promoted to my Executive Beaver Assistant, which means that she does my bidding. And, I have to say, she does it very well, due to a charming pair of circumstances. A) She is very hard working and organized by nature and B) she has something to prove to the team (oh new beavers). 

So, when I say, "Pochy, we need a flag!" (The Deb really wanted a flag...)

Very professional! 

Pochy makes a flag. 

She also had custom thank you notes made and did a lot of the shopping, though she failed at the cheese balls. 

Mayday mayday

Sigh. 

Having Pochy around seems like it would save time, but one of the other ragby innovations this year is Snap Chat. When Pochy does, a snap follows. More on snap chat later. 

R15 2 A Visitor, and News, From the West

A note before we begin: I am not feeling super excited to write this ragby recap. Not because I didn't have the best time, and not because I don't like to make you beavers happy, I'm just not feeling inspired to write, and it's a lot of work, dam it! And, I have to say, this year more than every before there is so much PRESSURE. But here goes! And, I'll take all the encouragement, support, and bribery you can offer to get me through this. And no promises that it will be good. 

RAGBY begins, for me at least, not on the ride out, or in the RV, or when we roll out of the Missouri River town, it is when Steven arrives in DSM. Then, it's official. Ragby is happening. 

Steven came to town the week before ragby started, driving her small ones across the country to prepare them to be ditched with her family while she rides her bike for the week. She came over to the Cabin in the Sky (#cits) one evening to drink beers, gossip, and prepare ourselves emotionally.

This night was particularly noteworthy because I had recently, perhaps the night before, received phone calls from both Ranger Dave and Ranger Katie. I had a hunch about what this would me. Mostly, because I told RD that I wanted to be the first person to know, even before his parents. 

Cheers, RD!

Steven and I called RD back. Those of you who know RD know that he is one unflappable MF. Finally after 15 minutes of small talk, I said, "Ranger Dave, do you have anything you want to tell me?"

He replied, "well, I guess. Katie and I decided to get married."

Squealing from #cits.

"How did you ask?" I demanded. 

"We just agreed to it over the phone," he replied, not a bit excited. Sigh. Oh Ranger Dave! But I was excited to have good news for the beavers. I told him that I would be coming to his wedding, whether he invited me or not, and that he and Ranger Katie should celebrate their honeymoon during #ragby2016. 

Ranger Katie getting a splinter removed in her wedding dress. 

Both statements were answered with grunts. But Dave's unflappiblity couldn't stop the joy! Huzzah! Beavers in love! 

Eventually, Steven had to go back to the east side and I had to continue getting ready for ragby, because Steven wouldn't be my only pre-ragby beaver-guest. Not by a long shot! 

R15 1 A Voice from the Past

I'm writing this on Tuesday, July 28th, at 1:37 pm. I'm standing in my office. I have a standing desk. I can't work. All I can do is think about ragby. I looked at Pokey's pictures. I looked at my pictures. I looked at Too Much's pictures. I'm tired. Standing doesn't help. I have a death-rattle cough. I think a Hamm's Light might help. A week ago, I was standing in the middle of a dance party, surrounded by Whiners, listening to Abby Normal, while the Body by Bergman team rained mini-bottles of vodka down on us like death from above. I thought about writing this blog.

The sad fact is I have an insane August in front of me, but in reality, I'd rather be on the ragby. I'd certainly rather be on ragby than grading essays. Ragby just gets in your brain, your heart, your legs, your lungs, your gut and your other heart. And probably under your finger nails and in your naughty places as well.

There were a lot of ups and downs on this ragby. And, I don't just mean hills and "v-breaks." And when I should be getting back to work this week, all day long I day dream about the ragby. Know that.

When you read this, it will be November 30th. Tomorrow, well, the tomorrow when you are reading this, gentle beaver-reader, will begin what I hope will be the most epic blog recapping of a ragby yet. I hope you are ready. Strap on your helmet, and keep it on, LLL-style (that's blogspeak for Linda Linda Listen), because tomorrow your ragby recap begins.