R17 62 Day 4.1 Clear Lak to Charles Cit: Keg Stands, Tater Tots, Typhoons

Crossing the Interstate

After the bridal shower, we didn't have to ride far to find a free beer stop! A nice family with a gorgeous farm on the top of a hill had a keg, so we pulled over and got in line.

Beavers were here

We signed the guest book and then asked if Bandit could do a bridal keg stand.

The traditional bridal shower keg stand

Duh. 

After the free beer, we rode into Thornton. There was a nice golf course/party complex outside of town, so we parked our bikes on the ditch and then got some food and coffee. There was a food truck serving breakfast tater tots. Pochy and I wrangled some of those, and some Gatorade, and some coffee. Then we sat on some church chairs in a yard. 

People in love on church chairs--those are Black Falcon's legs

Black Falcon joined us. The man has gloves with turn signal lights on them. I mean, come on! In the voice memo I said that he was living in 3017, while the rest of us were still in 2017.

Then, we started looking at the weather, and the clouds, and the fast moving streaks of lightning heading towards us from the west. There was no shelter in the park, so we decided to roll on and see if we could find some inside space. 

Bikes don't melt

Shelter seeking

As the rain started, we pulled into the gas station parking lot. Bikers were already hiding under the gas pump shelter with their bikes. This was creating a lot of mayhem, because humans couldn't get shelter (this is the opposite of rule #347). And old people who lived in Thornton couldn't get gas. 

The beavers went inside and found a little nook in the corner, next to the ATM and spare pop. 

Beaver nook 

We bought some beers and hunkered down and tried to stay warm in the air conditioning. We also texted and looked at the weather maps.

Of course, when you drink beer, then you need to use the bathroom. But the bathroom, or so the handmade sign said, "was closed." Hmmm. Was it? 

Masinga and Steven tested this rule. Masinga sent us a text that said, "I'm trapped in the bathroom."

Gas Station Party

Bandit wasn't going to let a bit of rain spoil her bridal shower--so she got some malt liquor. Then, Pochy started to tell us a joke:

"What did 50 Cent say to Dr. Dre?"

"Nothing! Dr. Dre is dead. He's locked in my basement!"--yelled the Bandit.

Hahaha. Not the answer Pochy was looking for. It was, "Gee, You Knit?"

Steven also spanked a sticker on a girl wearing see through shorts.

Too Much has the best gear

Finally, the lightning subsided and the thunder blew over. We decided that we should head out, even though it was still raining. We all steeled ourselves in rain jackets and other gear and headed out into the still quite pouring rain. 

There were more secrets! Rain be damned.

R17 61 Guest Blog: Masinga on Pre-Bridal Shower Prep

Beavo Does a Smile-o

I won’t lie, I had my reservations when the Boss and Norman said let’s throw a bridal shower/bachelorette party for Bandit during RAGBRAI. Do we really need more attention? Do we really want Team Beaver to be that team? I’ve rolled my eyes at some of those groups in the past. To say I was resistant is being nice. It also could have been the stressful last semester of my Master’s degree talking. The Boss checked in with Too Much and he was crazy about the idea! And so it was…

As the planning started taking shape, I found myself consulting on elements of a bridal shower and bachelorette combination, carrying (most) everything on our bikes, mostly the Boss’. We wanted the tasteful elements of a bridal shower you’d invite your lady friends, mother, and grandmother to in the morning. And a raucous bachelorette party you’d be embarrassed to have your mom at in the afternoon.

A sash and socks were purchased for Bandit to wear throughout the day. Special Team Bride glasses, champagne cups, and tattoos were procured. A plan was in the works to stash Jell-O shots and whipped cream at Pochy’s Mom’s place in one of the pass through towns. Other fun elements that seemed unnecessary, but hilariously appropriate were also purchased, much to my own and the Mayor’s chagrin. If we were going to do this, we were going to go all out, as a proper Team Beaver celebration would be.

In the week prior to RAGBRAI while I was waiting for my thesis to be approved by my advisor, I used my newly found free time to put together a few bridal shower and bachelorette party elements. Never have I ever dreamed of making a custom bridal shower invitation. Or recreating a Pinterest bridal shower game or two, and one fun craft for the bachelorette party (which we didn’t even use!!!) I printed, cut out, and laminated games. I also tracked down 20 golf pencils so we could play our games along the way.

As the final plans for this celebration came together, the Boss and I scoured the route in the Google Maps Satellite mode to find where we would set up our surprise party. I even offered to be the sneaky Beaver who would help ride out to the spot with the Boss. I don’t think my legs have ever gotten so warmed up so quickly on a RAGBRAI morning as they did that day. Sprinting out a few miles so we could be ready was quite a bit of work. It was worth it. I’m happy I surrendered to my Beavos who had these harebrained ideas. I did it for Bandit, and Too Much. My crazy Beavers care so much about each other that they are willing to go all out, as I would discover later in our week of secrets.

Needless to say, I think #BubblesAndBeavers and #MrsTooMuchJohnson was a day to be remembered. 

R17 60 Day 4.0 Clear Lake to Charles City: Secret Beaver Bridal Shower

Secret Day Starts

Day 4 of Ragbrai dawned cloudy and threatening of rain. But we couldn't let rain slow us down. The secrets that had started with Masinga's magical Pliny the Elder on Saturday had been building all week, and there was a lot of conspiring and subterfuge.

Co-Pilot 

Of course, we had to wrangle all the beavers after a busy, whiskey fueled evening. I think Luke had spent the night under a picnic table. There were baggers and pizza boxes all over the shop. 

The plan was for Masinga and Steven to ride off the front and race to a place called Beaverdam Creek before the first town. In her panniers, Steven had Bride Cups, Bride socks, champagne in a can, and orange juice. Masinga had the "Beavers and Bubbles" invitations and the poster. 

Party Prep

My job was to keep Bandit back so they would have enough time to get there and set everything up. I had to come up with a good story for why Steven and Masinga left with out the rest of us. So when Bandit mentioned it, I told her that I thought Masinga was mad at me from the afternoon before. Then, I mentioned that it was bear season and I was looking for a gas station so I could get supplies (why does this always happen to me? That wasn't a lie). 

Thankfully, it worked. Bandit and I rode together and chatted happily until on the horizon, we could see the flash of pink and gray. 

Pull Over!

Delicious

Bandit seemed so surprised and delighted. As Steven and Masinga made the drinks, Bandit put on her socks and veil and started taking selfies. 

Bride socks

Happy Millennial Selfie

As we chatted about the success of our secret, Bandit took a million selfies. We decided this is how know a millennial is happy, if they take a billion selfies!

Beavers in love

Of course, it was fun to celebrate Too Much too.

Beavers smooch

And these two are in love. Which is cute.

Happy Bridal Shower Beaver

I'm not as good at selfies.

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends.

We all had a lot of fun, and we were looking forward to the rest of the day celebrating Bandit and Too Much. We just had to keep our fingers crossed that those clouds on the horizon would just blow over.

R17 59 Slacker Sunday: Bandit Backlog and Route Predictions

By the time you are reading this we will know the RAGBRAI Route for 2018!

It is an important holiday in on the Ragorian Calendar. Of course, we all know that the ragbrai year begins on November 15th, when we can register for the upcoming year, but we don't actually start planning until after the route is announced in the end of January. Then, it becomes real, really real. 

We do have some guesses and predictions: 

• Norman: I think we are going to go through Ames, or near Ames. Ames is thirsty. 
• Masinga

  

  Masinga's Predictions!

• Pochy's Prediction: 

Poch's Predictions!

But, I am writing this post on Friday, so I don't know what the route is and I can't report on it just yet. So here, in lieu of discussion of the upcoming route, here are some photos from Bandit's backlog of photos. 

Snacks in Spencer!

Beaver snooze

Golf course bathroom

Beaver pace line

Mayoring 

R17 58 Day 3.8 Algona to Clear Lake: The Aftermath

There aren't any pictures after the Musky Lounge, and probably for good reason.

I have been procrastinating writing this post. There was a lot of anger and frustration in Clear Lake, but not all of that anger and frustration had anything to do with me. Some of it did, don't worry. What is my role in this blog? Should I just write about my own experience? Or am I the beat reporter of the team, reporting on the events that I witnessed?

I don't know.

With the goal of staying in my own lane, I am just going to write about my experiences in Clear Lake. Perhaps, in the spirit of understanding and reflection, others will chime in and discuss what went down with them.

Ventura to Clear Lake to Shit Mixed to the Fuck House 

I arrived at our homestay in Clear Lake and walked immediately into the pool where I found Too Much and Bandit. I was relieved to see Too Much after his hasty departure from the Muskie Lounge. We swam around for a while and then Steven and the Mayor showed up. The Mayor was shouting and Steven was in tears (a very rare occurrence.) We chatted in the pool for a while.

I was pretty tipsy at this point so my recollections of the workings of other beavers is a bit foggy. As the evening went on, I decided to follow Bandit's lead and sleep outside. I like sleeping outside, unlike some beavers. And, I really don't like sleeping in an open room with a lot of other people. So, I set up my tent.

Then, Steven and I made the executive decision to call Casey's and get some pizzas. We ordered maybe 10 pizzas. When we asked the fella at the gas station to just "give us a mix" of varieties of pizza--well that threw him into a tailspin, "how many vegetable do you want? How many pepperoni?"

Just give us a g-dang mix, Kevin! C'mon. But, we got them ordered, and after some drama with the credit cards, a sober driver delivered pizzas to the house and we all enjoyed them.

The baggers were there. They took up residence in the garage. And, then the Spirit Animals showed up. Luke was in and out. He and Pochy had places to be. The Spirit Animals were having some sort of fight with their driver. He had their belongings, but they couldn't seem to get connected with him, and maybe they were just going to sleep in the bushes? It was unclear. They did show up with a case of beer, propped up on their handlebars, which was cool.

At one point, FOB took all the baggers and Spirit Animals into the middle of the quiet residential street, with a bottle of whiskey, and led everyone in a "spirit circle dedicated to the ghost of John Karas." (Is John Karas dead???). They passed the whiskey around, taking pulls and talking about the spirit of John Karas.

I had one and then absented myself. I was a little out of joint. There was a lot of turmoil happening all around. Pochy was stressed for a lot of reasons, but one of them was because I had invited the Spirit Animals and my plan to shake them at the Muskie didn't work. She was concerned about the added strain and stress on our very nice homestay host. That was my fault.

Also, there were a lot of secrets in the works, that needed to be wrangled from the cars we left in Clear Lake. Steven was working on that, despite her own stress.

And, I am pretty sure that Masinga was still mad at me for the eye rolling.

So, I decided to call Captain Pete. I wanted to talk to him. He was my best friend, and I missed him, and he was outside of all of this. I thought it would be nice to tell him all my stories and get his point of view. He can be very wise. So, I called him, but I must have been still talking in the "beavo does a danco" doggo voice because he said I sounded really whiny. And, also, in the regular world, it was Tuesday 10pm, and I was pretty drunk. All in all, I just annoyed him and he yelled at me. So, even more sad, I hung up the phone and crawled into my tent.

How did such a fun day turn into this morass of emotions?

On Monday, when I was suffering mightily, I made a somber vow, that I would NOT be doing ragbrai again UNLESS I train. Let's be honest. I haven't "trained" for ragbrai since my first ragbrai. My first ragbrai, on a route very similar to this one, I was lean and mean and had ridden almost 500 miles! And it was fun. It was hard at times, and I crashed, and I was scared riding in the rain with all those people, but it was fun. I could deal with all that stuff because I didn't spend every mile awash in negative self talk and pain.

So, my vow is that I am going to train for this year's ragbrai. My goal and my hope is that the training I am going to do, along with all the other work I am going to do, is going to make me a more emotionally buoyant beaver, so that I can be present, and find some joy.

This route, whatever they announce, will be my 9th ragbrai, and I want it to be a good one.

R17 57 3.6 Algona to Clear Lake: Storm's A Brewing on the Dock of the Lake

We sort of made it to Clear Lake

After the adventures at the Back Pocket stop, the beavers got on the road and headed to Ventura. We were going to rendezvous at the Muskie Lounge: a favorite of mine. Fabulous tenderloins, by the way.

Somehow a bunch of lady beavers got together and we were all happily riding along, and then we took a group pee in some weeds. We chatted about the scourge of wild parsnip, and Masinga gave me a lecture on the topic. 

Muskie Lounge

Happy Beavers

Before long we were rolling into Ventura, Pochy's childhood stomping grounds. We pulled up at the Muskie Lounge, parked the bikes, and were ready to get our drank on. 

Mayor + Bagger

Bagger

Inside, we found a bunch of beavers at the bar and ordered 64 vodka lemonades. We drank those and then headed outside to the dock on the lake. There were ragbraiers everywhere. Jumping in the water, sitting on the rocks, walking around, etc. The only thing that would have made it more magic was sunshine. 

Spirit Animal

Too Much selfie

It reminded me of my first ragbrai, when we spent the night at Lexi's grandparents's house with Team Awesomeness and we all jumped in the lake together. And made corn. Memories. 

Beaver paradise

Soon we were joined by the baggers and the Spirit Animals and a good time was had by most. 

Beavers on the dock of the bay

But, then, in my fairly tipsy state, I looked around and noticed that Too Much was gone. Off on the shore, I could see him getting his bike and leaving. What? Where was he going? And why?

Then, we reconvened on the shoreline with a bunch of beavers. We were drunk and bullshitting and I said something, and then Masinga said something back. Probably explaining something to me. And I rolled my eyes. Then, I think I rolled them even more dramatically.Which pissed Masinga off.  And she left.

Not long after that I got the idea that I should leave, but my legs and my brain and the rest of me wasn't really cooperating. Because, you know, vodka lemonade. Somehow I found my bike, helmet, etc and got on. And I managed to point myself towards Main Street. I am so thankful that I had Bandit to beaver-shepherd me. It was a somewhat symbiotic relationship. I needed someone to make sure I didn't crash into the curb and remove all my teeth. She needed someone who knew where the homestay was located.

Team work.

Teetering and tottering, I found my way to downtown and through the mess of the party and then rode all the way down Main Street (probably not the most direct route), conquered the road construction, and then found some of the beavers--Too Much at least, floating in the pool.

I had made it, with the help of Bandit, and not without consequences, but I had found my way home. Whew.

Clear Lake wasn't done with us, though, not by a long shot.

R17 56 3.5 Algona to Spencer: Damn Daniel and Norman's Faux Pas

Still in Garner

We left Garner, but I don't think we were too far until we found another Back Pocket stop, and so we stopped. We got our beers and made a beaver circle and then our milk shake brought all the boys to the yard.

Beaver Circle

The first non-tire change-beer of the day!

First Damn Daniel arrived.

Excuse me ladies, may I defile you? 

And then he proceeded to take all the ladies into the woods and tattoo them. 

Bandit's turn

Got to stay limber for this

Masinga's turn

Feelings about the Damn Daniel tattooing were varied among the beaver ladies. 

Post Daniel Pochs

And then the Spirit Animals arrived. 

Spirit Animals arrived

And much like the tattooing, feelings about the Spirit Animals vary among the beavers. I, personally, think they are darling. Silly, hilarious, and fun. But they can be a little extra too I guess.

Extra love!

Anyway, while we were sitting around drinking beer, I mentioned that our homestay had a pool and that they should come by! Ugh. The minute I said it, I regretted it. I had done what Steven and the Mayor had done when they invited the baggers to stay with us all week. I had made an invite to a homestay that I wasn't in charge of. Damnit. And now I would be putting Pochy on the spot. Oye. 

But, hope wasn't lost. I figured in the shit show that we were looking forward to in Ventura and Clear Lake, we could lose them, and then it wouldn't be an issue. Unfortunately, I didn't clearly communicate the losing them plan. But that would be only one of the dramas I am so obviously foreshadowing in Clear Lake. 

R17 55 Day 3.4 Algona to Clear Lake: Garner Me Some Favor

I guess we are in Garner? 

We pulled into Garner and found a big old beaver fiesta happening. D-Money was there with the van unloaded and all sorts of beaver fun was happening.

Of course, Too Much was changing a tire. 

Another day, another flat

And all the baggers found us, even the super duper skinny ones! 

All the baggers!

And Bandit was teaching people how to do the whipped cream slapperino. 

Taking over the street with slapperinos

More bagger!

Mighty morphing power bagger 

There was much beer drinking and merry making and tire changing and snacking, but soon we decided to head out. Of course, we had to watch out for traffic.

Just a teeny tiny ambulance

Don't worry. The next stop wouldn't be too far down the road.