Commute

Some people use their commute time to catch up on phone calls, or listen to great books on tape, or learn Flemish.

Me, I use it to catch up on recovery time. The commute to Newton is about the perfect length to soothe my aching knees, which is great because my "hard to kill" might just be killing me.

Turns Out I am a Ferret

I discovered my problem with our new Beav-X-Hard to Kill routine, you know the one that equals more running?  I am more ferret like, than dog or human like.  Ferrets don't like to run.  They like to slink and/or sleep.

While I do a bit more than slinking and sleeping, I don't seem to have the magical cannabinoid-style reaction to running these scientists found in humans and dogs.  Sorry Holiday.  Humans evolved, it seems, to like running.  Of course, because we have big human brains, we can "ignore" these instincts, which is why, many people don't run, and I have yet to achieve that magical, elusive "runner's high." 

Steven enjoys it enough for the both of us. 

86 days till RAGBRAI.

Crisis of Faith

I am in a cult.  One that involves strange, and sometimes painful, rituals, specialized jargon, equipment, and a belief, a sustaining belief, in something beyond one's self.  We even have a cult leader, the Great and Powerful Ed. 

This cult is the Beaver Gym. 

The idea of exercise as religion is not that far fetched.  In the Castro, in San Francisco, the circuit muscle 'mos call the gym "church."  There are rules, like church, and rituals.  And, if you believe and you are a good little solider, you will be brought into Elysium, only this Elysium involves six-pack abs.  

It really is a cult.  Kool-aid and all.  For proof, I offer a sample sermon from the Great and Powerful Ed from back in January.

Everyone,

First day of new workouts started. CRAP! I was only able to complete 60% of the workout. 3 to 4 months off will do that to a person. I hope my body and muscles have a good enough memory to come back quickly.

A few thoughts I'd like to share:

We want our gym philosophy to be simple. "DRINK THE KOOL AID!" Commit to the workouts and the associated sacrifices you are willing to make in your life to become healthy. We aren't about creating elite athletes. But if that is your goal, we can. We are about "functional lifestyle fitness". Not just mirror pretty fitness but everyday, useful, pick it up and put it down kind of fitness. Want to run a marathon? Participate in a Cyclocross race? Just look great naked? These workouts and your commitment outside of the gym will help you do any of these things.

Our classes are not designed to entertain you. That is what dance classes are for. Our workouts are designed to be grueling. Mentally and physically.

Your bodies level of response is directly associated to the effort you put forth in the gym "AND" what you do when you go home. Comments like, "This is boring", "we need to do more aerobic", "I'm not willing to give that up"

just wont be acceptable excuses for not reaching your goals and helping others around you. It's not the workout, it is your effort. We want to surround ourselves with like minded, driven individuals who's own actions, in and out of the gym, help motivate and inspire us to be and do better ourselves.

So, with that being said, are you ready to "DRINK THE KOOL AID"?

Are you willing to go to bed earlier so you can be at the gym at 5?

Are you willing to give the workout all you can?

Are you willing to drink just one beer when offered?

Are you willing to say no to the cupcakes and other processed food?

If yes, then I hope to see you in the morning.

If not, still come. Hopefully we can motivate and inspire you to change your mind.

Best regards,

I have drunk the kool-aid, at least part of the cup.  I love sleeping, and yet, every morning, Monday through Friday, my alarm goes off at 4:30am.  And. I. Get. Up. 

I arrive at the Beaver Gym around 4:50.   Then, I work out.  And, by most standards, this workouts "suck."  I mean burpees, honestly?  Running.  Planks.  "Man-makers."  Suicide sprints.  Pull-ups. 

Sample workout from March 9th, 2012

Because of the brainwashing, the relative suckiness doesn't register anymore.  I just tell myself, "well, this is exactly the kind of workouts that Gwyn and Hunky Drew put me through.  It's just slightly less than personal training." 

The only time I really think about how bad all this stuff sounds is when I try to recruit new cult members, "it's fun!"  Or when I try to talk explain my workouts to non-cult members. As soon as they hear "5am," I've lost them. 

The Great and Powerful Ed, has a plan for us, we are told.  We don't know the workouts ahead of time.  We can only imagine what they might be like.  Much like the Catholic calendar, we are on some sort of larger time line/schedule that we are only vaguely aware of. 

When I first started, back in August of 2011, we were doing a 90-day fitness challenge, a.k.a Beav-X-90.  In January, we started back in with a 6-week "pre-season" routine.  (No one explained to me what season we were prepping for).  After that, we did a 6-week "strength" focus. 

Despite their different names, all these workouts seem pretty similar.  And, they got easier.  When I started, all of this stuff was freaking torture.  Doing 5 20-lb sandbag get-ups was the hardest thing ever.  But, it got easier.  And, eventually, I started feeling like She-Ra, Princes of Power.

Of course, I had slips.  I felt like Helga the Body Builder in October of 2011, but after the Weddingmagedon of November I sort of fell into despair.  But, like a good prodigal daughter, I returned, hat-in-hand, and I was welcomed back into the fold.  And, I thought, my Helga-ness was returning.

Until two weeks ago. 

We are in the second week of some sort of 12-week "mountaineering/make-you-hard-to-kill" workout.  The H2K workouts are designed to punish/empower your legs and lungs.  Which means: running, my Achilles heel.

For most of Beav-X-90, except way back in the beginning, I have felt pretty okay about my performance.  Yes, I could eat better outside the gym, but I push myself, and I am strong, and I felt I could "hang" with the cool kids (Tracy, this means you.)

But, in H2K, I find myself slipping.  Not only is the gym populated by a few additional bad-asses, but with the addition of more sessions of running, I find myself, often, the weakest link or the last person to finish a set.  The other morning we did this:

8 Rounds
50 box steps
10 weighted sit-ups
300 meter run

Box steps, check.
Weighted sit-ups, check.
Running, no check. 

I can run the distance, but I am slow, slow enough to get lapped.  And, the only thing that is more devastating that getting lapped is being encouraged while you are being lapped, "good job."  Well, seriously, we both know I am not doing a "good job."

Another problem, pull-ups.  Today we added super rubber bands to give pull up assistance.  Well, even with a bunch of super-bands wrapped around my feet, I am still not strong enough to pull myself up.  I still need a leg boost from Tracy.  It's shameful. 

My body is sore.  My knees hurt.  And, I keep looking at these workouts and the way they are ramping up, and I am thinking, "I am not sure I can keep up." 

Those of you who read this blog know that I measure my success in athletic endeavors not by my winning, but by my not losing.  Lately, though, I have felt like I am losing.  My faith in the cult is not broken, but there is a hairline crack.  Maybe I can't hang.  Maybe this is too hard for me. 

The Great and Powerful Ed said, "the gym is all about survival.  That's all you have to do.  Your performance outside the gym is what matters."  Of course, he also said, "stop your fucking bitching," which was sweet. 

I am at a cult-faith-cross roads.  Only, it's like a round-about.  There are so many different roads. 

I could quit and go back to the YMCA.
I could try to learn to ignore the fact that I am the weakest link. 
Or, I could suck it up, and try to get better, beastlier, even harder to kill. 

Then again, I just read an article in Women's Health that said that when women were in the second half of their lady-cycle, they are less strong because their bodies are preparing for the possibility of a pregnancy.  In the first half of the cycle, women are more "dude-like" and thus capable of harder workouts.  Perhaps, I can just blame Olan the Boxing Ovary. 

Bike Guilt Complex

One of my students reminded me that the reason why there were so few students in my class today was not because it was Friday, and not because we are having good weather, but because it is Good Friday.  Ah-ha.  Forgive me father, but I am a recovering Catholic, so this stuff slips me. 

Anyway, it's funny that it should be Good Friday, because one of the 12-steps in becoming a recovering Catholic is step 7 trasmuting guilt from Catholic guilt to secular guilt.  I used to feel bad for being a bad Catholic, but after a lot of work and soul searching, I now feel guilty about my bicycle. 

Guilt is a complex emotion, and my bike guilt takes a lot of forms.

I feel guilty because I am not riding my bike.  Whenever I am not riding my bike, I feel guilty for not riding my bike.  This guilt is compounded by the fact that I believe that everyone else is riding her bike at all times. 

And, indeed, they are.  At my first VeloRosa practice someone made a crack about it being their first bike ride of the year.  Mind you, this was March 12th, not August 12th.  To which, that person was heartily scorned and mocked.  "Your first ride of the year???  It's my 150th ride of the year."  The commenter, shamed, then proceeded to stare at her front wheel and try to hold back the tears.

Of course, this is the same ride that the gal on the amazing yellow Cervelo said, "don't you people work or have families" when as list of the week's rides were discussed. 

There are so many organized rides happening at all times between March and October, and then there are still rides during the bad months.  The Bike Iowa calender lists, for this week alone, lists 6 events in the metro area from Bike Maintenance to the Bike Swap Meet.  And, that doesn't even consider the events around the state and all the folks on unorganized rides rolling up and down my street. 

Bike guilt is related to weather guilt.  In Iowa, usually, the weather is so bad that when we do have nice weather, we feel guilty if we are not outside.  And, we shame one another for being inside on a nice day.  (This really messed me up when I moved to a place that has nice weather most of the time.  I never got any work done).  What do you mean you are not riding your bike? 

Of course, I have other things to do, which I also feel guilty if I neglect them to ride my bike.  My puppy needs walked and played with.  My students need my insightful feedback.  And, occasionally, I need to clean my house.  Then, my bike guilt tells me, "well if you were just more efficient at all this other stuff then you could spend more time on the bike."  Oy.

I also feel guilty because my bike is so nice, and it is just sitting there waiting to be ridden.  But, I am not going to lie, sometimes when I come home from work, I just want to make some dinner and go to bed.  

I thought I would attempt the 30 Days of Biking in an effort to alleviate my bike guilt.  But, on a day when I just couldn't figure out how to get a bike ride in, without just riding around the block, I missed a day.  Then, I missed another, and another.  Now, I feel guilty for that too.  

This summer, I was invited to work on a project for my college.  I am excited, of course, but I have to admit, I was also kind of bummed.  It would cut into my cycling time. 

If I were really bike-core, I would get a job that I could bike-commute to, or get really bike-core and commute the 60 miles round trip to my current place of work.  Or, I would quit my job all together and just bike around the clock, and then, I would be so bike-core, that probably, someone would just pay my bills and clean my house, and walk my puppy. 

But, I guess, that's the Recovering-Catholic-turned-guilty-cyclist equivalent of becoming a nun and moving to a convent.