So, I rode my bike. Give me money.

Crazy right?

Yeah, I don't have the excuse that Steven has for not riding bikes.

I have plenty of bikes, and the weather has been gorgeous, and I like riding bikes. Nope, no excuse. Just busy with work and my semi-professional bridesmaiding gigs.

But, finally, on Sunday, I broke through the laziness and took the Mother Trucker out for a spin. My pals Jessica and Q invited us over to their south side estate for some Bears v. Packers.

I don't love watching football. I kind of like watching football, but I do like the excuse to socialize, day drink, and eat multiple kinds of dip.

Also, it is especially hard to watch Bears football because every time I watch them they lose. If I don't watch, they win. So, there you go.

Anyway, there's a trail that heads down to the southside, along the river. I'd never ridden it before, so I thought I'd check it out. It was a glorious day, I had brass band music on, and I was rocking a t-top to work on my wedding arms tan. (Gave up on the wedding arm muscles).

I met my pal Steve-Oh, who was riding a sexy new all silver All-City. I drooled a bit on it, then rode on. Mullet's was hopping as the Oakley Night Cap cross was still going! I didn't stop because if I got into cross-watching I would never make it to Jessica's party.

The trail was really nice. Mostly flat, and actually, made the trip to the south side seem way closer than driving. Plus the trail winds along the river, with great views. There is a stupid climb up to the ball park followed by a stupid down hill back down to the street. What the what?

I stopped at the Git and Go at the corner of 22nd and Park to buy some PBR and ice. Thankfully, I can get a lot of junk in my trunk. Then, I slogged that extra weight up the hill to Jess and Q's house, which, weirdly, is like 2 blocks from where I grew up.

Cycling tip: when you have a half rack of beer and five pounds of ice in one pannier and just ice in the other pannier be careful on the standing climbs. Things get a bit wobbly.

Junk in the trunk! 

 I also brought some clothes to change into while I watched the game. Two words: classy.

I know.

The Bears were packed and shipped by 3, or so. So I wiped my tears, resolved to watch not another game this season, and changed back into Lycra. On the ride home, I heard a weird buzzing ahead of me. What was it, then I rounded a bend and saw two kids on mopeds screaming towards me. They swooped right next to me, and I slowed drastically and holler at them, but to no avail. They were not chastised.

I got back to the 'hood just in time for the tail end of the DSMove Open Streets Project, where they close down University, from Dog Town to 42nd street so people can hang out, ride bikes, skateboard, eat snacks, listen to music, etc. I loved cruising down the middle of University, a street I would normally avoid like the plague.

All in all, a glorious 16 miles! Want to see me and hear about me riding bikes more? Well, then, please, please, pretty please donate to Steven and my H-Bomb Hundred Miles of Nowhere Challenge.

We still have lots of miles available, and lots and lots of shenanigans not thought of, or purchased. And it all goes to a good cause: sending some tough little girls out to have some fun of their own.

Need the details?

Go here. Steven will explain it all.

I Need Your Money, Like Yesterday: 101 Miles of Nowhere

Alright kittens, Steven, over at See Teacher Run is blowing me out of the water, like beaver on a geyser, in terms of the following 101 Miles of Nowhere activities, such as the following:

• Organizing
• Blogging
• Fund Raising
• Collecting said funds
• Accounting
• Spreadsheet making
• Fun Raising
• Prize Finding
• Fatty taunting

She taunts so good!

And, what have I been doing? Riding around with some big hunk captain on a broat. 

Dramatic reenactment here.

I am actually so bad at this whole adventure that she won't even let me have access to the Google Docs (fair enough).

Therefore, I need you to help me catch up. C'mon readers. After all I've done for you?!

Donate your money to Steven and my insane H-Bomb 101 Miles of Nowhere campaign! We want to sell out all the miles. So, we need your $20, $40, or $100, or sigh, $200. 

The paper dollar money goes to sending some really cute kittens out for their very own adventure, to be determined.

Here's how you play along: 

A. Send your money to Steven via snail mail. Email her at  to get the address.

or 

B. Click the donate button on this blog post. It's easy! Trust me!

(C. is for secret method--if you are in the Polk-Jasper county region) just give your money to me in person!

Then, go to this online form to give just a tiny bit of info on your mile. So, we can make it the best mile of the whole ride. 

Spread the Word, Yo!

Tell your friends. And when you talk to super Steven look-at-me-being-all-so-good-at-this-stuff tell her that Stormin Norman sent you. 

As much as I hate attracting new readers to this blog (you guys are enough!), I will do it for this! Send this link to your friends. Tell them to call me. Who cares?

Need more information? No problem. 

Here is the most complete information! 

Here is yesterday's update!

Here is what I wrote.

Here's what Fatty has to say about all this, originally.

Need more convincing? Want me to come over and give you a foot massage or just compliment you for a while? That's fine. Just get in touch. I will literally do whatever it takes to rock this fund raiser in my own slackerish way.

Big News: Steven and Norman's Hundred Miles of NoWhere Drops the H-Bomb!

Boom.

[Note: This blog has been co-written by Steven, over at See Teacher Run, it's sort of like blog-prose-mad-libs]

[Note-Note: This blog reveals our big awesome secret!]

There really is a lack of excellent bike-related blogging out there. Trust me, I've looked. 

Of course, there is BikeSnobNYC.

There's All Hail the Black Market.

There's See Teacher Run, when she's not running or posting pictures of babies.

But the blog I find my self turning to again and a again, if Fat Cyclist. He's funny. He's a bad ass. He writes epic, serial posts about his bike races. His wife is a bad ass. He knows lots of famous bike racers. I love it.

Oh, yeah, and, I met him in Moab! Boom.

And, he also has a charitable arm. One that raises both awareness and money for cancer research and do-goodery, and bike programs in Africa. Sometimes this do-good-ery results in people winning cool bikes. (I have yet to win...). Hey, I like blogs about cancer fighting too!

One of the things that I always thought looked cool/weird/might-want-to-do was the Fat Cyclist's:

100 Miles of Nowhere!

Back in 2008, Elden (aka “Fatty”) from Fatcyclist.com, bet a bunch of cyclist readers that he could ride 100 miles on rollers in his basement. Spoiler Alert -- he did. And that is when 100 Miles of Nowhere was born. It quickly grew and is now up to 500 participants. The idea is to ride 100 miles on a self-invented “infuriatingly small course” and then write about your adventure for Fatty’s blog.

Today, 100-Miles-of-Nowhere riders, kick in a $150 registration that goes towards a cancer charity. In return, Fatty sends them a big box of swag and a killer jersey. This year the moo-la will go to Camp Kesem, a series of camps across the country for kids affected by cancer.

And, this year, Steven and I signed up!

Since this is a virtual benefit bike ride, participants have flexibility in when and how they complete the ride, but Fatty suggests completing it by October 18th, which happens to close to the relatively recently proclaimed Inflammatory Breast Cancer Awareness Week. Coincidence? I think not….which brings us to…

Our 100 Miles Guest of Honor:

H-Bomb! She is the author over at Some Girls Prefer Carnations, and is our resident blog-o-sphere Bad Ass. She beat breast cancer once...and is on her way to beating it again.

I met H-Bomb in high school. She sat in front of me and Steven in A.P. Biology. During that year as I struggled to comprehend a single fucking thing that our teacher and/or textbook said, I got to know H-Bomb. In fact, Steven and I may have helped her pick outfit for her first date with her husband. Coincidence?

After high school, H-Bomb and I lived in the same dorm at the University of Iowa. There we cemented our friendship with many, many hours of crafting, dancing, and eating of chocolate.

She's always been a part of my life, and, in a way, she's always been my compass of awesome. H-Bomb is simply put one of the best people I know. And, when I need to be reminded of how to live a good life, I think to myself, "what would H-Bomb do?" She's a brilliant scholar and scientist, a loving mother and wife and friend, a thrifty, crafty, tour de force.

Our Plan:

H-Bomb *just* completed her last “hard chemo” and is kicking cancer’s ass! So, we want our 100 Miles of Nowhere to honor her fight. Our route will be a 0.33 mile loop between H-Bomb’s house and the clinic a block away where she received her chemo treatments. Yep, you read that correctly. Normie and I will be riding 100 miles in ⅓ mile increments. This route will definitely meet the expectation of being “infuriatingly small,” but we think it is a perfect testament to how many times H-Bomb schlepped herself over there for testing and treatments in her battle with cancer.

[Note: you do realize that Steven will be flying in for the weekend to do this event, right? How awesome is that?!] 

Here is Where YOU Come In, Dear Readers:

Sticking with the spirit of charity towards kids affected by cancer, we want to raise some moo-la to benefit Heather’s two amazing daughters, A and E. The funds will go to Heather and her husband for a future camp experience for their daughters. 

Maybe it is the YMCA summer camp? 

Maybe it is a summer program for something they are interested in? 

Maybe it is an after school activity that might be out of budget? 

Whatever it is, we want to dedicate our energy and money so they can have some good old-fashioned kid fun!

So, give us your money!

Donate! Don’t Worry, We’ll Make it Fun!

Here are the details:

Sponsor a Mile!

There are three levels of sponsorship:

Level 1: Donate $20 and we will take a picture with a sign with your name on it and publish it via Twitter and later on our blogs.

Level 2: Donate $40 and we will also do something silly/funny/stupid/goofy for that mile in your honor. You can pick anything from our pre-approved “Level 2 Stupid Shit to Do For a Mile Menu” below.

Level 2 Stupid Shit to Do For a Mile Menu

• Low-speed pace line
• Share a Coors Light while riding
• Snapchat you or your friends
• Mini-biker dance party
• Music: you choose!
• Beaver Cheer!
• Trade bicycles
• Wear costumes (subject to costume ownership and ability to pedal in them)

Level 3: Donate $100 and we will let YOU choose what we do for your mile.

And, finally, the Super-Crazy-We-Will-Hate-You-If-You-Do-This Level: Donate $200 and we will….Ride.An.Extra.Mile. Trust me, you have no idea how painful this will actually be. After riding 300 laps around a block in Ames, riding an extra mile will seem like torture!. BUT, we will totally do it with a smile-like grimace on our face for an extra 200 smack-a-roos towards the A & E Adventure fund!

Click HERE to sign up to sponsor a mile!

Other Prizes!

We want to do some raffling of cool prizes for the folks to donate. We don’t know what those prizes will be just yet. So, stay tuned for updates! Alternatively, if you have some prizes you would like to donate for our raffle giveaway, let us know!

The Fine Print:

1. Send your money to Steven and trust that I will transfer it to H-Bomb. She is an Assistant Principal, for goodness sake...yes, you can trust her. And if you don’t, well, then I guess we don’t get your money. You can send it to her at:

2. Go to this online form to submit your info to sponsor a mile. Be sure to tell us which mile you would like to sponsor, which level of support you’re chipping in, and what you’d like us to do (at the $40 or $100 level) in your honor. We will be posting a screenshot of the list once we get some donations.

And/Or Join Us!

We can’t do this alone! Join us for the festivities and be a part of the shenanigans. We will need “volunteers” to help with the following:

• Rider Support (water bottle filling, snack unwrapping, picture taking, explaining to the cops/neighbors what the heck is going on)

• Morale Support (ride a mile, or a quarter of a mile, or five miles, walk around the block, heckle us, hand us beers, drink beers with us!

Let us know if you want to help out!

Note: this is going to take all day, so don’t feel like you need to stay for the whole 100 miles. Or, stay for the 100 miles. Whatever you want!

Post-Ride Party

After we finish, we will retreat to a downtown Ames establishment for refreshments and fun. Details to be announced closer to the date of the ride!

A Note On the Weather

It’s October 18th in Iowa. The weather could be 70 degrees and sunny. Or it could be sleeting and 40. Should the weather be unsafe or completely unfit, we may need to relocate indoors to spin bikes at a local YMCA or, heaven-forbid, trainers. That being said, we are pretty tough, we’d both prefer to be outside and on-site.

Count Down to December

I was chatting with Ranger Dave last night. We discussed various subjects.

• The fact that he is going to Interbike. 
• The fact that he is going to Cross Vegas. 
• The fact that he is driving the lovely Ranger Katie to her new gig in Northern California. 
• The fact that he and Ranger Katie are going to Norway next winter to race in the original Birkebeiner cross country ski race. 

I was green with adventure-envy. 

At one point, as it so often does, the topic of Ragby came up. The Ranger said to me, "the worst part of not being on ragbrai was not the fact that I didn't get to go on Ragbrai. It is that I won't be able to read about ragbrai until January."

Oh yeah. 

My ridiculous, over-the-top holiday Ragbrai recap blog mania is an institution. 

In fact, at one point on Ragby, Steven rode up to me, giggling and said something to the effect of, "sometimes, I think about how funny all of this is going to be in your blog this winter."

Yes, folks, we have reached maximum-meta here at Half the Rice. We are thinking about the blogging about said event in the midst of said event. 

So to alleviate the restlessness you are all feeling, or perhaps to enhance it, here's a countdown clock. 

Website Countdowns