Remember the Brewery 100, The Enhanced Version, Part 2 The Saga Continues

The saga of the most uneventful Brewery 100 ever continues. We left our adventurers just after they turned south and hit the halfway point. The story, with narrative breaks for Choose-Your-Own-Adventure style options, continues.

We rode south back towards Fort Collins. We had our annual discussion about "where is the trail turn off?" and "did we miss it?" And "no." Then, we turned on to the trail.

The trail winds its way past a very nice creek and playgrounds and all sorts of cool stuff, and this time, low and behold, we went the right way at the critical turning point. No accidental detours into Tour De Fat, no middle-age dude guides, no wandering around unsung industrial districts. We just rode our bikes to the place where you turn to go to New Belgium. Easy.

Inside New Belgium we ordered some brews. Steven pumped. We wrote postcards. We saw our old man friend from Iowa and all was good in the world.

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 5
You arrive at New Belgium Brewery and you are ready to paaaarrrtaaaay. Do you?
A) Sneak onto one of the tours and scarf down as many free beers as possible. 
B) Head out to the Rolly Bolly Court and pretend the concrete Bolly Balls are your boobs for the delight and amusement of your friends. 
C) Stand on the table, and yell, "fuck this sell out beer factory!" then jump down and run out the door. 
D) Enjoy a small sour beer and the company of good friends. 

After New Belgium, were we did not drink too much at all. I mean, c'mon guys. It's only 11am, really, we headed out to a new brewery, Equinox.

Now, this brewery was exciting. It was new and it was where the sandwiches were. Steven, Masinga, and I had left them there the day before with a very sweet lady named Jen? Ruby? I don't know. She was very accommodating of our sandwich needs and wrote on the box, "Team Beaver, No Touchie Touchie," which is a phrase that is now in the beaver lexicon.

But somehow, in our attempt to get to Equinox, we lost the Mayor. This is standard. He usually takes an alternative route at this point in the day. We asked a passerby for directions and quickly found our way over there. We parked the bikes, and Steven went down to the main street to seek the Mayor. She found him, quickly and easily, and then we went inside for beer and sandwiches.

Sandwichanista

There we talked to Jen/Ruby and retrieved our sandwich box and Steven proceeded to make us our sandwiches. The secret ingredient this year? I can't remember? Chocolate covered pretzels? CRaisins? I don't know. They were good and we were full. As we enjoyed our beers, we chatted with some of the fellas at the brewery. Then, fed and watered we left.

Is that wheat germ? Granola? Who can remember?

Outside in the parking lot we did a quick resunscreen. Then, because we couldn't take the remainder of the bottle with us, we gifted it to a family with a stroller. How nice.

Then, we rolled out of town and headed back to Loveland. It wasn't really windy enough for the Mayor to pull any of his sneaky Mayor drafting race tactics, but Steven and the Mayor were riding together, clearly feeling fit and enjoying one another's company, which was SOOOOO cute.

In Loveland, we snaked through town, on a combination of back streets and bike trails until we found Verboten, another new brewery. It did seem like we were a bit lost, but we quickly found our way. At Verboten, they gave us free rhubarb pie, because honestly, could this day get any better? They were celebrating the release of their rhubarb beer. Pie + beer?

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 6
That's it. Time to tear this ride up. Do you? 
A) Order a growler of rhubarb beer while everyone else orders pints. Proceed to drink it at the table. When your friends give you quizzical looks, respond with, "what? I thought we said one beer per brewery?"
B) Find the nearest bearded brewer looking man. Make out with him. Hard. 
C) Grab the remains of the rhubarb pie. Make out with it. Hard. 
D) Enjoy a tasty fruitish beer and pie at a new brewery. Yum! 

Leaving Verboten, we hopped back on the trail and made our way to the Loveland Ale Works. I think the Mayor was the most excited about this brewery. It has gotten great reviews.

Arriving there, we found a table and Steven pumped. She requested a beer be delivered to the bathroom while she was pumping, because she is awesome. I made it happen. More hanging out and relaxing and enjoying the lovely day continued.

Back on the road, we headed south out of Loveland. We did have to climb Walgreens Hill in traffic, which isn't fun. And it did sprinkle a bit, also not that fun. Soon we were back on the highway and headed towards Berthoud. Up ahead Steven and the Mayor were having a balls contest, but it seemed like Masinga was struggling a bit, you know, it was like 75 miles and nearly 10 hours into the day. We rode steadily towards Berthoud, enjoying a direction I hadn't been on before.

Then, I looked up and thought, "Oh my Beaver. We are going to die."

Next time on As the Brewery 100 Turns, What made Norman fear for her death and why? Will Steven and the Mayor realize their friend don't know how to get home without their hosts? Will something exciting finally happen?

Stay turned.

Remember the Brewery 100? [The Enhanced version, Part 1]

Yeah, me either.

I mean, we did it. And, all the components were there: great beer, long miles, good friends. But something was missing.

The 2014 Brewery 100 was technically "fun" but I imagine it is the kind of fun that normal-non-beavers have. Sensible people "train for ragbrai" fun.

BOOORRRRINGGGGG.

And what was missing was disaster, or at least shenanigans.

And, I am coming to the conclusion that disaster or mayhem is critical to the fun. This ties in perfectly with my life philosophy that "good stories are better than good times."

So, I am finally getting around to writing about the Brewery100--2014 Edition mostly because there's not really much to say. We came, we rode, we drank beer. So, in order to spice things up, I am going to insert fictional disaster/drama/shenanigans into the narrative. Like a choose your own adventure, but without the flipping to other pages because I am lazy and you only get this page.

(Also, for the record, I can't believe I had the thought this morning that said, "huh, I should write a blog).

So, here we go. You might want to grab an extra cup of coffee to get you through this stupefying narrative.

The view towards Colorado from Arches National Park

If you will recall some of the bloggage that you read last summer, Longmont was my last stop on a 3k mile road trip that took me through Arkansas, Oklahoma, Utah, and Colorado. I crewed for the Rockwell Relay, rode my bike around Bryce Canyon, and goofed around in western Colorado for nearly two weeks before I finally washed up, dirty, but altitude-uated. Bryce sits at 8k feet, far, far above Longmont and this would be my secret weapon.

Damn, I'm sexy in the west.

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 1
You arrive in Colorado mid-afternoon. Do you proceed to:
a) Start drinking highly alcoholic beers and don't stop until you can't see straight.
b) Drive straight to the pot shop and "smoke 'em if you got em."
c) Both, only asking Steven to drive in scenario B.
d) Have a few brews, but mostly chill out with friends and chat.

I think I rolled into Longmont on Thursday afternoon. I think we just hung out, maybe went out for dinner? Or cooked. I can't remember.

On Friday, Steven and I planned to do a bit of a ride, the standard Longmont Loop, to shake things out, and then we would meet the Mayor, the friend of the Mayor, and ideally, Masinga for lunch at the new cool Oskar Blues CyclHops Tacoery.

Well, as you might imagine it was a bit of a shit show getting out the door, but we had ditched the children at daycare so that made things more simple.

Pre-Shake Down Duck Face (what is wrong with my duck face?)

The standard Longmont Loop covers some of the same territory as the B-100, but since I had no idea where I was going, I did my pay attention to Steven. We rode, and gabbed, and rode, and gabbed. It was fun.

And considering all the gossiping and turning, we moved along at a pretty good clip. We arrived at the Tacoery in good form, stashed the bikes in the bushes, and went inside where we found a table.

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 2 

You arrive at the Tacoery after a fun mid-day ride. You are hungry, but your companions haven't arrived yet. 

Do you:

A) Start shotgunning chips and salsa in the hopes that they will bring a fresh basket just before your companions arrive so it didn't look like you ate a whole basket of chips. 

B) Just order. Fuck 'em. 

C) Order a pizza from Pizza Hut on your phone app. It's going to be super awkward when they deliver it to a restaurant, but who cares? #meatloverslife

D) Peruse the beer menu and relax. They'll be here. 

Lunch was tasty and the beer was great. They even had sour beer and our server was smart and charming. I even made a new Republican friend. 

After lunch, Steven and I motored home. Then, we spent the evening preparing for the next day's adventures. We had an early bedtime so we could awake at the crack of dawn and head out for our big day. 

In the morning everything went pretty smoothly and we were out the door just as the sun was cracking the horizon. It was warm enough that we didn't need a jacket, and it wasn't too cloudy, sunglasses on or off. We cruised up the long secret hill towards Niwot and then cruised down into downtown Niwot, completely the southern terminus of our adventure. 

Then, we crossed the highway, problem free, and eventually turned north. Up and down the first "big" hill, no flat tires, and on towards the town of Hygiene, where we made a complete stop and then continued on towards Peacock Ranch. 

Eventually we came to the "turn," where we always, always, always go the wrong way, but this time, we turned the right way, which meant a bit of some new scenery for me. We took a break just past Regroup Farm and Regroup Canyon and everyone had a snack and a restie, mostly with the goal of keeping the boobs satiated. 

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 3

While sitting on the side of the road, enjoying a snack, do you: 

A) Decide it would be more fun to play "wet jersey" contest and spray everyone with your water bottles.

B) Pick a fight with one or all of your companions. I mean, what the hell, dicks?

C) Refuse to eat or drink anything. You don't need water! Huff and puff about stopping so much and then, once you get started riding again, realize you forgot something on the side of the road about 100 yards back. Insist everyone ride with you back to the break stop.

D) Chat politely while enjoying a half a Larabar and sipping water.

Finally, and without much to note, we rode into Loveland and then we rode into Fort Collins. Even better, we found a nicer, more remote road through Loveland so we could avoid the potholed disaster zone that is the main drag, which we almost always end up taking. Score.

Did I mention that the day was sunny and warm and nearly without wind? Yup. Truth.

Then, without incident or mayhem, we rode into Fort Collins, we rode through Fort Collins and we made our customary stop at the NoFoCo gas station. (NoFoCo is delightfully shabby, so I love it.) We made friends with the folks running the gas station where we peed and fueled up, then we hung around outside, noticing the telephone pole dressed up like a pine tree. How cute.

After our NoFoCo break, we rode on, up, and up, and up the third "big hill" of the ride and swooped down past the lake that marks the northern terminus of the ride. We turned west, past the skull wagon, and then turned south and headed back towards town and the halfway point.

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 4
It's the halfway point of the Brewery 100, do you:
A) Pull out the four tall boys wrapped in ice packs you've had secretly stashed in your jersey for a celebratory halfies. 
B) Meet your prearranged non-bike riding Colorado friend to deliver four cold tall boys for a celebratory halfies. 
C) Insist that your computer is actually the most correct one because it is set to Greenwich Mean Time and when you get to that halfway point urinate copiously all over the asphalt to mark the spot. 
D) Stop for a quick halfway picture, smile nicely and keep rolling. 

Join us next time as the Super Boring Brewery 100 Saga Continues. Will we continue to eat and hydrate appropriately? Will a moderate amount of beer be consumed? Will we manage to survive the sprinkle of rain?

Stay tuned. 

85 Days to Glory! A Challenge, A Simple, Simple Challenge: FEBER

Greetings Beavers! I know! I know! It's been a while. Trust me, I've been enjoying my little blog-break, but today, I come to you with a challenge! 

The History of Beaver Challenges, Summarized

As you know, Team Beaver has had a long history of challenges. 

The Ragbrai Royalty Challenge. 

The Super Friends Challenge. 

The Awesomeness Challenge. (Predates our friendship with Team Awesomeness)

The time I challenged the Mayor to a challenge. 

That Time Kelly Needles Challenged Me to a Challenge.

Other stuff that I don't recall at this moment and I am too lazy to look it up. 

And, usually, because I discuss these challenges with Steven over at See Teacher Run, they become insanely, stupidly, ridiculously complicated to the point where the challenge itself is overrun by the precise calculations and handicapping that goes on in order to make it fair and equitable. 

But I didn't tell Steven about this challenge. I didn't tell any beavers about it. Until now! 

Where I'm Coming From: Paranoia Town

So, a bit of background. 

For a lot of reasons I have not been riding my bicycle. I'm not going to get into those reasons, but I both need to and more importantly want to ride my bicycle(s). 

And, I know that a lot of beavers have been out there taking care of beaver business! 

• Lil' Pochy is scouting out what it is like to actually follow the Ragbrai Training Program. 
• Masinga is updating her "Pictures from the Road" photo album on the FB like on the daily.
• There's a new and improved Grandpa 5.0 in the works. 
• Ranger Dave is doing the Crushar in the Tushar (twss).
• Steven is lean and mean, rumor goes.
• The Dale's got a freaking crabon fibre steed, pulsing with fire and glory.
• The Mayor is on his carb free diet. 

Suffice to say, Beavers gettin' busy. 

Now, if I don't want to be bringing up the beaver tail of this year's ragby. and subsequently never getting to choose the treat/beer stops, this beaver needs to get busy. 

And, so, obviously, there's only one way to do that: con all my friends and teammates into joining me! 

Finally, Rice Gets to the Point! 

Beavers, I challenge you to the First Ever Beaver Endurance Riding Challenge. That's FEBER Challenge (sounds like fever or beaver, get it? eh?). 

Here are the rules, okay, guidelines. 

1. Ride as many miles as you can between now and Ragby. You have 85 days. 
2. Keep track of those miles however you'd like. 

Prizes! There will be Prizes!

• Most Miles Ridden--Awesome Beaver Prize and the respect of your colony. 

• Second Most Miles Ridden--Nearly as awesome Beaver Prize and the respect of your colony.

• A Completely Subjective "Style" Winner--this category goes to the beaver who rides a respectable number of miles but does it with "style." 
• What's does that mean?
• I don't know, it's open to interpretation. See what you come up with. It will be decided by me on Saturday evening before the start of ragby. It's completely subjective.
• Subjective Style Award also gets an awesome beaver related prize and a Tall Boy six-pack (hint hint)

• The 1k Club--any beaver who achieves the coveted over 1,000 miles you are "supposed" to ride before ragby will receive a 1k prize. 

Conditions and FAQs and Stuff

• Who can enter? Any beaver. Even Beavers who aren't going on the ragby count. Ranger Dave, this includes you and the lovely lady Ranger. 

• When does it start? Today, like now. 
• "Rice, what about all the miles I've ridden already this year?"
• Count 'em, if you'd like. I think anything you've ridden since January 1st can count, just don't be shady. Use your best judgement and sense of honor when deciding what to include. Remember, no one likes a dirty beaver.

• What about like junk miles? Party miles? Commuting miles? Count 'em. If they count to you, they count to this beaver.

• How do I enter? Just let me know in comments, on the FB page, or send me a text (actually, you probably should send me a text because my phone died and I lost nearly all my phone numbers.) Just let me know if you are playing. We may or may not publish status updates.

• How do I keep track? You do you. I don't care. 

• But how do I like verify it? See above answer. 

• Does running/cross training/spin class count? Nope. This is a bikes on the road situation. That's all I am rewarding.

• What if Rice win? Good question. I get the Awesome Beaver Prize. I'll just buy it for myself and then gloat all week. That's how you will know this prize will be awesome. Because I want it.* I do recuse myself from winning the style award, though. It wouldn't be fair to y'all because you know my beaver style is on FLEEK!

• How will we demonstrate our Style Points? Maybe like document it on the Beaver FB page? Or start your own blog? Or create a Power Point presentation to show us in Sioux City on the Saturday. We'll figure it out.

• Can I win both most miles and most style? No. Don't be a greedy beaver. 

*To be honest, I don't know what these prizes will be yet, but look for hints here throughout the next 85 days. 

And They Are Off! 

We have some very competitive beavers in the running this year, and I know this is the ultimate beaver-bait (Goldie, Pochy, I'm looking at you ladies). 

Look for weekly-ish updates on my FEBER status here. 

And, now, beavers, go forth! A build a dam of base miles, fitness, and style!