Remember the Brewery 100? [The Enhanced version, Part 1]

Yeah, me either.

I mean, we did it. And, all the components were there: great beer, long miles, good friends. But something was missing.

The 2014 Brewery 100 was technically "fun" but I imagine it is the kind of fun that normal-non-beavers have. Sensible people "train for ragbrai" fun.

BOOORRRRINGGGGG.

And what was missing was disaster, or at least shenanigans.

And, I am coming to the conclusion that disaster or mayhem is critical to the fun. This ties in perfectly with my life philosophy that "good stories are better than good times."

So, I am finally getting around to writing about the Brewery100--2014 Edition mostly because there's not really much to say. We came, we rode, we drank beer. So, in order to spice things up, I am going to insert fictional disaster/drama/shenanigans into the narrative. Like a choose your own adventure, but without the flipping to other pages because I am lazy and you only get this page.

(Also, for the record, I can't believe I had the thought this morning that said, "huh, I should write a blog).

So, here we go. You might want to grab an extra cup of coffee to get you through this stupefying narrative.

The view towards Colorado from Arches National Park

If you will recall some of the bloggage that you read last summer, Longmont was my last stop on a 3k mile road trip that took me through Arkansas, Oklahoma, Utah, and Colorado. I crewed for the Rockwell Relay, rode my bike around Bryce Canyon, and goofed around in western Colorado for nearly two weeks before I finally washed up, dirty, but altitude-uated. Bryce sits at 8k feet, far, far above Longmont and this would be my secret weapon.

Damn, I'm sexy in the west.

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 1
You arrive in Colorado mid-afternoon. Do you proceed to:
a) Start drinking highly alcoholic beers and don't stop until you can't see straight.
b) Drive straight to the pot shop and "smoke 'em if you got em."
c) Both, only asking Steven to drive in scenario B.
d) Have a few brews, but mostly chill out with friends and chat.

I think I rolled into Longmont on Thursday afternoon. I think we just hung out, maybe went out for dinner? Or cooked. I can't remember.

On Friday, Steven and I planned to do a bit of a ride, the standard Longmont Loop, to shake things out, and then we would meet the Mayor, the friend of the Mayor, and ideally, Masinga for lunch at the new cool Oskar Blues CyclHops Tacoery.

Well, as you might imagine it was a bit of a shit show getting out the door, but we had ditched the children at daycare so that made things more simple.

Pre-Shake Down Duck Face (what is wrong with my duck face?)

The standard Longmont Loop covers some of the same territory as the B-100, but since I had no idea where I was going, I did my pay attention to Steven. We rode, and gabbed, and rode, and gabbed. It was fun.

And considering all the gossiping and turning, we moved along at a pretty good clip. We arrived at the Tacoery in good form, stashed the bikes in the bushes, and went inside where we found a table.

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 2 

You arrive at the Tacoery after a fun mid-day ride. You are hungry, but your companions haven't arrived yet. 

Do you:

A) Start shotgunning chips and salsa in the hopes that they will bring a fresh basket just before your companions arrive so it didn't look like you ate a whole basket of chips. 

B) Just order. Fuck 'em. 

C) Order a pizza from Pizza Hut on your phone app. It's going to be super awkward when they deliver it to a restaurant, but who cares? #meatloverslife

D) Peruse the beer menu and relax. They'll be here. 

Lunch was tasty and the beer was great. They even had sour beer and our server was smart and charming. I even made a new Republican friend. 

After lunch, Steven and I motored home. Then, we spent the evening preparing for the next day's adventures. We had an early bedtime so we could awake at the crack of dawn and head out for our big day. 

In the morning everything went pretty smoothly and we were out the door just as the sun was cracking the horizon. It was warm enough that we didn't need a jacket, and it wasn't too cloudy, sunglasses on or off. We cruised up the long secret hill towards Niwot and then cruised down into downtown Niwot, completely the southern terminus of our adventure. 

Then, we crossed the highway, problem free, and eventually turned north. Up and down the first "big" hill, no flat tires, and on towards the town of Hygiene, where we made a complete stop and then continued on towards Peacock Ranch. 

Eventually we came to the "turn," where we always, always, always go the wrong way, but this time, we turned the right way, which meant a bit of some new scenery for me. We took a break just past Regroup Farm and Regroup Canyon and everyone had a snack and a restie, mostly with the goal of keeping the boobs satiated. 

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 3

While sitting on the side of the road, enjoying a snack, do you: 

A) Decide it would be more fun to play "wet jersey" contest and spray everyone with your water bottles.

B) Pick a fight with one or all of your companions. I mean, what the hell, dicks?

C) Refuse to eat or drink anything. You don't need water! Huff and puff about stopping so much and then, once you get started riding again, realize you forgot something on the side of the road about 100 yards back. Insist everyone ride with you back to the break stop.

D) Chat politely while enjoying a half a Larabar and sipping water.

Finally, and without much to note, we rode into Loveland and then we rode into Fort Collins. Even better, we found a nicer, more remote road through Loveland so we could avoid the potholed disaster zone that is the main drag, which we almost always end up taking. Score.

Did I mention that the day was sunny and warm and nearly without wind? Yup. Truth.

Then, without incident or mayhem, we rode into Fort Collins, we rode through Fort Collins and we made our customary stop at the NoFoCo gas station. (NoFoCo is delightfully shabby, so I love it.) We made friends with the folks running the gas station where we peed and fueled up, then we hung around outside, noticing the telephone pole dressed up like a pine tree. How cute.

After our NoFoCo break, we rode on, up, and up, and up the third "big hill" of the ride and swooped down past the lake that marks the northern terminus of the ride. We turned west, past the skull wagon, and then turned south and headed back towards town and the halfway point.

Narrative Break for Shenanigans Part 4
It's the halfway point of the Brewery 100, do you:
A) Pull out the four tall boys wrapped in ice packs you've had secretly stashed in your jersey for a celebratory halfies. 
B) Meet your prearranged non-bike riding Colorado friend to deliver four cold tall boys for a celebratory halfies. 
C) Insist that your computer is actually the most correct one because it is set to Greenwich Mean Time and when you get to that halfway point urinate copiously all over the asphalt to mark the spot. 
D) Stop for a quick halfway picture, smile nicely and keep rolling. 

Join us next time as the Super Boring Brewery 100 Saga Continues. Will we continue to eat and hydrate appropriately? Will a moderate amount of beer be consumed? Will we manage to survive the sprinkle of rain?

Stay tuned.