Fitness: The Scaredy Cat Way

I have figured it out!  The key to my own personal fitness motivation: fear!

Yes, fear.

Whenever I have had to do something I am really scared of (my first RAGBRAI, my first Fight for Air Stair Climb, being humiliated in a local newspaper), I get my butt in shape.  The fear inspires dedication to train.  I know it is working when I find myself fantasizing about breaking my leg, accidentally, before the event, so I can get out of it.

Later, when I have already done the formerly-scary thing (my second RAGBRAI, my second Fight for Air Stair Climb), I get complacent.  All I can remember is how much less scary the event was than I thought it was going to be, so then I rationalize not training as hard as I could.

What my brain doesn't remember is that it was only easier than I thought it would be because I was so scared of it being harder than I could handle.

You still with me?

Following this logic, I find myself cultivating fears for the upcoming year.  If I keep thinking about all those oh-my-biscuit-I-am-going-to-die-or-humiliate myself then I know I will work harder.

Here are some scary things coming up in my 2013.

Exhibit A: Jessica's wedding.  April 20.  I am a woman of honor.  I will be wearing satin.  I will be photographed professionally.  Jessica's family will be looking at these photos for.ev.er.

Jessica should have asked models to be her  bridesmaids.

Exhibit B: Lexi's wedding.  September-ish.  Same concerns as before.  Minus the satin.

Exhibit C: RAGBRAI.

RAGBRAI?  Yes, RAGBRAI.  RAGBRAI 41 is shaping up to be a "building year" for Team Beaver, with only me, the Mayor, and Ranger Dave (a RAGBRAI virgin) slated for the whole week.  Other folks may be making guest appearances (Goldie!  I know you are reading this), but for most of the week, I am going to be alone with these guys.

Ranger Dave is spending the season (he has a season because he races for reals) training for the Haute Route: which is like the Tour De France, but for ameuters, and without all the flat parts.  And, rangering in the National Parks gives him plenty of time, at altitude, to climb hills on his bike.  Also, he may, just for fun, go to Hawaii for a month to ride up and down volcanoes.

Oh, what is this?  A little bump in the road?

Mayday, Mayday!  We have RANGER DANGER!

Then, there's the Mayor.  The Mayor may claim to be "fat" and "out of shape" and that he "never rides his bike," but he is the ultimate sand bagger.  Any claims of out of shapeness from the Mayor need to be divided by about 10, because I have ridden with him when he is eligedly "fat" or "out of shape" and he still kicks my ass.

Now, he doesn't kick it as hard as he does when he is in shape, but there is still a pretty thorough kicking.

How he does it, I have no idea.  I think he must just have this incredible latent talent for cycling that requires absolutely no practice.  Maybe there is a transitive power to the I-can't-let-my-wife be faster than me that applies to RAGBRAI wives.  Or maybe, as he claims, he is just better able to suffer.

He only smiles when he is about to inflict suffering.

Whatever the reason, these are my main companions come July 22.

"Well, Rice, why don't you just let them ride off into the sunrise without you?"

Duh, because I want to impress my RAGBRAI posse with my beastliness.  Which means, I need to gather some beastliness.  And quick.

"But Rice, what about your 2012 campaign for fear-less-ness?  Isn't this in direct contradiction to that concept?"

Sort of.  I think I need a new term.  Attempting to live fearlessly doesn't work for me.  I will always have lingering fears and doubts.  But, rather than purposefully breaking my leg, or quitting, I must continue on despite that fear!

George R. R. Martin put it best in his bestselling book, Game of Thrones,

And, so, for now, at least, I am working hard.  And, when I think about not working hard, I remember all that potential pain, and suffering, and humiliation that is lurking in the new year.

Spring may not be that far off, but for me, "winter is coming."

Blog Bites

So, I have been busy. So I don't blog. Then I have so much to say, I don't have time to blog. Then, I get such a blog backlog that I really don't have time to blog. Then I decide to just give up blogging and take up knitting. But I am worse at knitting than I am at blogging. It is a cycle of despair.

Anyhoo, to deal with this issue, I am introducing blog bites. Just little snacks to keep all 4 of my readers up to date and keep my head above the back log.

The challenge for me will be to keep then short.

So here goes.

Ever since I started at bx90/harder to kill, I have used the small box for box jumps. The leap to the medium box, har har, just seemed too much.

Then we got there bumper plates for the bar bells. A few folks started adding plates to their boxes to make them higher.

I did too. I have successfully moved to a small box plus 4inch plate. And, I have my sights on the medium box.

Baby steps, or jumps.

I Just Want to Hang Out...

No big deal!  

Last month, I challenged Steven to the Cabla-Goobla-Goobler Challenge.  We had to do some sort of fitness + watching the Cable Guy + drinking beer + blogging.  The idea of was to break out of the food comma and get some beerness in before December.

Immediately, I ran into a problem.  Okay, 2 problems.

1. My computer was broken.  I replaced the battery, fiddled with the magnets, and then finally gave up and rode it over to Bike World.  My bike bf Steve-Oh set to work on what he thought was a "stupid girl" fix.  An hour later, with a new speed trap, we were back out the door.

2. I could not find a good time to be wasted!  If you have read this blog, you might know that last year, this event resulted in a miscommunication induced sh!t show.  Ideally, I would find an evening where I could complete this 1.5 hour event and then pass out, but I just couldn't find the time.

(Problem 3 was hiding the case of Heine when we had a Franksgiving party.)

I don't think I was the only one with that problem.  I got a message from Steven on Sunday, November 25, at 7:49: "Have you done challenge?"

"No," I replied. "I was going to text you.  I need an extension!"

She replied, "Okay, good.  I think your blog post said until the 30th."

So, I hemmed and hawed, worrying about schedules and coming up with the BEST CHALLENGE CONCEPT EVER and not actually coming up with any good ideas, when I finally said to myself, "Rice, remember those words of wisdom: you get what you get, and don't give a sh!t."  Or something like that.

Before.

Sunday afternoon, December 2, I saddled up for a little ride on the information super highway.  It wasn't going to be legendary, but it was going to be done.

Holiday keeps me company, though she hates the trainer.

So, so I rode.  And, I drank Heines.  And, I laughed out loud, because, if you don't already know this, The Cable Guy is a hilarious movie.

I didn't ride farther than last year, and I didn't drink as much beer, but I did it.

Four Heines, dranked.

Twenty miles: rid.

Reflection: the world of work seems to have stymied me.  There is just too much edu-ma-cating to do to really rock fitness, eat perfectly, blog prose so vivid it would make you weep, and shenanigan.  But, we can't give up!  These blogs represent all that is good and silly and irreverent in our worlds.  So, dear reader, you get what you get and don't give a sh!t!

After.

Heretofore unknown version of the Cat 5 tattoo--that's right, on the front of my calf.

The upshot: I got my bike step up on the trainer.  No excuses now!

Roll credits!

I do have some stuff in the blog hopper, like a Survivor Cross ReCap and the annual Mid-Winter RAGBRAI Total Recall Blog Series.  So, stay tuned gentle reader.  

And, Steven, listen, I just met you and this is crazy, but here's my number, so call me maybe. 

Needles November Challenge: Concession

Well, in November, our beloved driver and "beaver wrangler," Kelly challenged me to a 26-day challenge.  The results were so-so.  I had a slow start, and didn't do as much as I would have liked to have done, but I did more than I would have done.

The Needles challenge certainly helped pull me out of my early-November funk.  So, that's pretty good.

Item 1: Lost an average of 2-pounds per week: FAIL. I am, more or less, where I started at the beginning of November.

Item 2: Reduce one inch waist size: UBER FAIL. I didn't even measure my waist because I have no tape measure, but if the scientifically accurate jeans method is anything to go by, I still failed on this one.

Item 3: Increase bicep curl by 8 pounds: BOOM!  I started curling 45 pounds max, and I manage to eek out 60 pounds.  I didn't work on biceps in particular, but I have been back to the H2K gym, which helps.

Item 4: 50 sit ups or crunches in 90 seconds: BOOM!  I did crunches and I managed to get 50 done with 27 seconds to spare.

Item 5: 30 push ups in 60 seconds: BOOM! I did girl push ups, but I got 30 out with like 17 seconds to spare.

Item 6: Ride the trainer 4 times per week at an average of 12 miles an hour: ???  I didn't ride the trainer that much, but I did get back to H2K on a regular basis, I also went to a handful of spin classes, and I survived Survivor Cross!

Item 7: No cupcakes: No comment.

Item 8: Only six servings of bread per week: I sort of forgot about this part of the challenge, so again, no comment.

And there you have it folks.  It was not a victory, by a long shot, but I do think that the Needle Challenge helped me bust out of my post-10-Miler, tried-to-give-up-the-Beaver-gym-in-October ennui.  I am back in action, and I started making a plan for 2013.

And, like Steven, over at See Teacher Run, has written about in recent blogs, I am getting a little tired of just meh-ing my way through challenges.

Cab-la-Goob-La Gobbler Deux!

Do you know what was the best/worst fitness/drinking event I did last year?

Me neither.

But in the top 11.6 of best/worst ideas in fitness/drinking had to have been the Cable Guy Challenge.

A Bit of Background
Last year, in a stunning shift in paradigm, I challenged not Steven, but the Mayor to a long-term weight loss/fitness challenge.  We had to ride bikes, lose weight, and do weekly challenges.  One week, Steven stepped in for the Mayor and challenged me to a Cable Guy themed event.

The challenge was to ride the trainer for an hour, drinking as many cold ones as possible, while watching the Cable Guy and doing a Cable Guy-themed drinking game.

Needless to say, it was a sh!t show from start to finish.  I didn't actually read the challenge, so I over rode.  And, Steven drank Heines which was hilarious.  I drank Coors Light--lame!  Then, after all that, drinking and riding, I was wasted.  So wasted that when I went to the BX90 the next morning, and they tried to make me do 500 million weighted lunges, it broke me.

So Why are We Discussing This Again?
Well, it was one of the best/worst ideas we've had in the world of wacky, misguided fitness blogging.  And, I personally, had a lot of fun doing it.

And, I think we should do it again....

Umm, No
No, really, hear me out.

Instead of riding the trainer (which is a hard activity to love), and instead of having '"rules" and "winners" and what-not, instead, we will just do whatever we want, like the Awesomeness Challenge, only with Jim Carey.

Here's How it Could Work 
What: Do something that involves something physical (walking, cycling, skipping, basketball, yoga) for 127 minutes (length of the Cable Guy).  Add (in whatever way you want) Heineken.  Add in watching The Cable Guy.

Who: Everyone!  Everyone is invited.  Just let me know, somehow, if you are in.

Where: Where ever you want.

How: You decided.  See "what."  You also decide how to document said entry.

Why: Because it is awesome, and during the doll-drums of the year, we all need to be reminded of how fitness can and should be fun (and misguided).

When: Sometime between November 18 and November 30.  Hence the "Gobbler."

How do we win?  Who is the judge?  What do we get?
Winning is based on the totally subjective deciding of me and Steven*.  If we decide that you are the winner, you can name your prize!  (And, we will decide if we give it to you).

*I have not discussed this with Steven, so if she is too busy being awesome in other parts of her life, then judging will solely be done by me.

Needles--So Very Pokey!

How's the Needle Challenge?  So far, so pokey.

I just can't seem to get my biscuit in gear.

True, things started off alright.  On Thursday, I took the new ironic cross bike out for a ride in the park, where I learned that owning a bike with racer-gearing is a humbling experience.

Holiday as Dog-stacle

Friday--did nada, oh, except for hanging out with my family visiting from Oklahoma and then seeing the $nacks at Christophers.

No one told me everyone was wearing plaid to the Snacks!

Saturday--was planning on going to spin class, but the family visit continued through brunch.  And, Saturday night was George Clinton* and the Parliment Funkadelic.  (More on George in a bit), after which I got my fill of vitamin C at a local bar that fresh squeezes all of their juice.

P Funk!

Sunday--I hemmed and hawed and decided not to, then decided to do, then decided not to, then decided, for reals, to do the Cranksgiving.  I didn't want to go because it was cold and wet, but that is not a great excuse when you own $5,000 in outerwear.  The event involves racing around town on a bike, going to 10 different stores to get 10 different items to donate to charity.  I rode around in a mockery of fast-ness in the cold, which reminded me that could also be fun.  If only all my grocery shopping were done by bike and by speed, I'd be much happier.

Monday--I packed up my stuff to do spin class after work, but we decided to go the Obama rally, so instead, I took the dog to the park and made dinner.  We did drive the bikes down the Bait shop and rode them over to the rally to avoid parking hassles, which was smart, but not a workout.  If only standing in the cold and yelling "forward" burned calories.

At least we wore cycling caps!

Tuesday--I was tired and nervous.  After work I canvased for a couple hours, which was a nice walk, punctuated by empty house-door knocking and some snacks at the headquarters.  Then, stayed up way too late to watch acceptance speeches.

Volunteering = snacking

Wednesday--so. sleepy.  Did nothing.

Thursday--told myself I needed to sleep in to get rested from Wednesday.

So there you have it.  It is already Day 8 and I am behind in this challenge.  I still have high hopes for turning this Needle Challenge around, and George Clinton is the reason!

Okay, so I have seen a lot of P-Funk concerts.  My friend Pete is obsessed with funk music, and I liked hanging out with Pete, so I started tagging along.  I've seen them in Kansas City, in New Orleans, and at least three times in Des Moines.

Usually, George Clinton, looks, well, busted.  He is famous, but he looks so rough that he routinely gets tossed out of stores and hotels because he looks like a bum.

"I am coming for your baloney!"

Also, for most of the concerts I have been to, he comes out for a few songs, but then retreats to the back.  He is sort of like the exclamation of the concert.

So, when the show started at the Val Air on Saturday night, and there was a man in a tailored beige suit and fedora on stage, I thought nothing of it.  I just assumed he was one of the rotating cast of P-Funk-ers that plays the shows.

Then, one of the younger guys on stage says something like, "oh, I bet y'all came here looking for some guy in crazy, colored dreads, well, he ain't here tonight."

Then, I got a little mad.  "What?  Clinton wasn't even going to show?"  I felt duped, though, in all honesty, my tickets were free.

Then, the guy pointed to the guy in the fedora and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the legend, the one, the only, George Clinton."

Then, the fedora guy took off his hat and bowed.  "Ha, I thought, he must be some sort of George Clinton impersonator, but he is doing a really bad job."

Then, my friend Pete commented on George Clinton's suit.

"Wait," I said.  "That's George Clinton?"

"Yeah," said Pete.

Holy Heck, he looked completely different.  He looked like a preacher.  Clean-cut, well-groomed, in a suit, and to top it all off, he looked "there."  Not all cracked out.  And, he stayed on stage for virtually the whole show.  He did sit down a few times, right up front, but hey, the guy is 70!  He was dancing and singing and conducting everyone else.  It was like a new person!

Here's a picture I snagged right after the show.

Just kidding.

But seriously, he looked good.

And, if George Clinton can turn from a cracked-out looking bum to a suit wearing, orchestra conducting, bad-ass 70 year old, well, I can get off my biscuit and do some push ups.

Part-Time (Vegetarian) Lover: The Fresh 20

Here are some things that keep me from eating "perfectly."

1. I hate grocery stores.
2. I hate grocery shopping.
3. I hate meal planning.
4. I hate making lists.
5. I hate spending a bunch of money and not using all the ingredients.
6. I have a low tolerance for leftovers.
7. I get sick of eating the same things, but I lack creativity or the willingness to research (and we get both Eating Well and Cooking Light) every month.
8. I am a control freak.  If it can't be my way, even if I don't know what that way is, I don't like it.
9. I don't like complicate cooking on weeknights.
10. I am food snob, despite issues 1-9.
11. I am just a bad person with no will power.

But recently, I have found a solution to nearly all of these problems.  And, it is called "The Fresh 20."

My sister, Easy-E, told me about F20 a few weeks ago.  E has the kind of energy and work ethic that makes beavers jealous, but when she isn't scrubbing her bathroom or shopping, she does a lot of reading.  Lately, it has been about food and food issues.

Now, she has trotted out a lot of crazy ideas, most of which I ignore.  But, there was something about the idea of the Fresh 20 that stuck.

Here's what it is:

The Fresh 20 is a website that you subscribe to ($4 or $50 for the year).  Each week they publish a meal plan that includes 5 dinners for 4 adults, recipes  a shopping list, and nutritional content.  And, get this, while  you have to have the "pantry staples" on hand, you only have to buy 20 new ingredients each week.  And, you only buy as much as you need.

The plans are either vegetarian, classic (with meat), or gluten free.  We went with the vegetarian, because we thought it would be cheaper and both the Tiger and I have some reservations about meat and factory farms and animal cruelty.  Not enough to become full time vegetarians; I mean, come on, La Quercia bacon exists.

So far, it's been great!  The grocery shopping is so painless, that I don't mind doing it.  The meals and fairly quick and easy, and because it makes enough for 4, we have left overs for lunch.

Better yet, the meals are usually between 300-600 calories a serving, and they are filling, and with a few exceptions, really pretty good.  And because I am eating so many vegetables I feel very smug and resplendent with antioxidants 

The only problems we have fun into are when we skip a night.  We don't always want to cook on Friday nights, then we have udon noodles just hanging around the house.  Or, if the Tiger forgets to take his lunch, the leftovers start to pile up, and some of the meals are just so-so.

Better yet, the Tiger found a Group-On, so we got the whole year for on $20 bucks.

The Tiger does get a little cranky.  He doesn't agree with the principle behind stove-top lasagna, and he doesn't like being required to slice things thinly if he doesn't want to, but overall, it's been great.

And, it gives me hope!  Hope that I can eat tasty, seasonal food, without wasting my time searching for recipes or getting stuck with tons of extra groceries, hope that my dinners can be healthy and portion controlled without me having to worry about it so much.

One of the things that I have always said about trying to live a healthier lifestyle is that it takes a lot of thought and concentration, but the Fresh 20 sort of out-sources some of that mental energy.

Now that I am a part-time vegetarian, I can spend other part-time worrying about my cold and damp doom during Survivor Cross.

Also, I have an excuse to have this song running through my head full-time.