Spin Out

It's still winter in Iowa, and probably will be through mid-May. Because I have a 40-degree threshold for the bicycle-cycling, I still haven't ridden a bike outside in 2014. 

Instead, I have been spinning. Yes, that time-honored tradition of putting on your spandex shorts, grabbing your water bottle, marching out through the snow, driving a car to the gym, and then riding a stationary bike with a bunch of other people. 

As bad as it sounds, I do actually enjoy spin classes. 

However, I have learned, this winter, that the most important factor, though, in a spin class is the instructor. I cut my teeth on spin classes from Tomoko and Dina "the Destroyer." These days I am in love with Janaan and I really wish Aubrey wouldn't have given up Saturdays. Goldie is a big fan of Dave Mable. 

I know good spinning.

If the instructor is good:

• The music will be diverse, old stuff, new stuff, but you will know the words to 87% of all songs. 
• The music will be curated to match the drills and the intended mood.
• The lights will be dim, with awesome flashing strobe lights when necessary. Or there will be daylight. 
• The workout will be that really good kind of suffering, where you are working hard, but you are having fun at the same time. Like an actual bike.

Hmm, I am not explaining this very well in words. Here's an example. 

If the instructor is bad:

• She/he will leave the fluorescent lights on full blast, so your winter-gray sweaty skin will reflect bleerily back out into the room. She/he does this so she/he can "see your form." 
• She/he will keep the music at a minimum, quiet enough so you can "hear her/his instructions," but really so you can hear your own panting.
• She/he will ignore what is actually happening in the room and yell out phrases that spin instructors are supposed to yell out each class. They have a quota: 
• Three = "you're doing great!" 
• Two = "it's your workout, push it!" 
• "nice job!" = 4-5
• "don't give up, almost there!" = 6. 
• She/he will be obsessed with watts, so you will spend the entire workout staring down at the little screen to make sure you are hitting the "target watts number." Then she/he will yell at you for not "keeping your butt back over the seat." 
• The workout will consist of drills that make no sense for actual bike-riding. 
• I am sorry, but a "spin-up," where you put your hips against the handle bars and pedal with your quads. Not helpful. 
• Tabata on a bike? Uh, no. 
• She/he or he will play music not to organize and structure the workout, but just as background noise. And, the music will be all one type. I once went to a class where the instructor put on a live Red Hot Chili Peppers concert at a volume so low, you could just barely hear it. The 90s are over! Deal with it. 

On Saturday, I went to a spin class so bad that folks were actually walking out when they saw the instructor. It was that bad. Nothing against her. I am sure she was top of her class in her Tabata instructor training, and I bet she has a heart of gold, but I don't want to ride my bike inside with her any more.

Thankfully, spring will arrive in about four to six months, so I have been thinking about Saturdays where I ride an actual bike. I have been wondering if they are helping or not with all my actual bike riding that I plan to do once mid-May rolls around. 

One of my bike boyfriends, Steve-Oh, (not to be confused with fellow blogger and occasional spin class sandbagger, Steven), stopped by the house the other night. I mentioned the RTR dilemma. He said, "well, you better get riding your bike." 

"I haven't been riding my actual bike, but I have been going to spin class." 

"Yeah, that's not the same," he responded with the cool casualness of a man who doesn't own a car. 

And, that was the idea I had been getting. Spin classes, I assumed, would help with getting me into general shape, but they wouldn't translate to actual bike-skills and endurance. 

That notion came primarily from this cartoon, published in the Iowa Momentum, way back in March of 2011.

Oh, Duffy. You are so witty.

But, I was reading my March issue of Bicycling (2014) and they had this article on spin classes.

I got the iPad edition, so this is a camera phone picture of the article on the iPad. Weird.

And, they say that spin classes can be pretty okay. You can "bury yourself on the sprints" because you don't have to worry about staying upright, and you can work on pedal stroke form, and you can work on climbing because you can change the gearing to make it tougher.

Huh. Good to know, Bicycling. 

We'll just have to see about that come mid-May. 

Post Script: for your viewing pleasure, I also offer this image of professional Danish cyclist legs, also from the iPad edition of the Bicycling magazine. 

I like how the one on the left looks like an actual face.

Do you think the devil would trade me my soul for legs that look like that?