Sloth versus Bad Ass Unicorn, Or, It's Not My Fault. It Snowed. Or Random Musings on Stuff Semi-Related to Fitness.

Before you judge me, (and find me lacking,) you should know that it snowed here on Friday.  Snow.  And, not an insignificant amount.  We had 3 inches in Des Moines, and there were still chucks hanging around today when I drove to Newton.

Ah, a beautiful May 3rd morning.

Before it snowed, it rained.  After it snowed, it rained.  After it rained, it was cloudy and cold.  This was all proceeded by the month of March where it snowed, rained, and was cloudy and cold, and also the month of April when it snowed, rained, and was cloudy and cold.

I know.  I know.  This is Iowa.  Bad weather is a way of life.  But, I am not going to lie, it has been hard on my psyche and my bike riding.

(I took my rode bike off the trainer last weekend, though now I wish I hadn't).

Also, the dog has decided she likes to sleep in.  She doesn't even go out with the Tiger for his morning ciggy.  She sleeps in, all cute and cuddly and warm, until I finally peel myself out of the bed.

Just five more minutes.

I offer these items not as excuses for my utter sloth, but rather than circumstances that enabled slothfulness.  And, we all know it is hard to stop a sloth.

So, this Pieathlon I have on Saturday?  I am so not ready.  I was getting ready, but that was in March.  Now, it is going to be a Sh!t Show Up!  It is going to a testament to the "you can dry heave that's okay.  At least the money went to a good cause, and there will be pie, and Goldie, as long as she doesn't get bored waiting for me to finish (which is projected to be sometime late Saturday night or early Sunday morning).

I did buy a new swim suit.  What I didn't do is figure out what I am supposed to wear during this triathlon.  Do I put on my bike shorts?  Do I swim in them?  (I shudder at the thought of riding and running in a wet chamois).

After Saturday's Affront to the Name Triathlon, what's on the schedule for old Rice?

I don't have any other "real" (i.e. paying) events scheduled.  Though, there will be cycling and there will be hiking in my future that needs to be gotten ready for.  Also, I decided to take on a boat load of work this summer, so that must be accommodated as well.  Some sort of "training" and "schedule" might be in order.

(Is this the point you are wondering what the point of this blog is?  Me too.)

But, there is hope!  On Saturday night, I made plans with my friend Little Buddy to ride bikes on Monday morning (he's a chef, so he gets Mondays off).  I showed up at his house to find him in his pjs with a stunned look on his face.  He forgot.  I graciously gave him a rain check and rode to Cumming by myself.

Highlights include: seeing a herd of deer, a woodchuck, and several blue jays.  Also, there was a neon yellow golf ball stuck in the crotch (yup) of a tree.  I did my first slog up the Old Science Center hill (not pretty, but done), and all of it was glorious!

My inner Bad Ass Unicorn just might beat the crap out of my inner Sloth.

In other news, I am going to be working out with Sexy-Lexi again on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday mornings at the YMCA.  She doesn't like to get up early, so I will have to cool my jets until 6:00 am.

Also, I got a new bike.  It is awesome.

Shrink it and Pink it.

And, I am trying to get RAGBRAI beavers in a row, which is super hard without Easy-E or the Boss.

The Un-Lent

If February and the beginning of March were all about sacrifice, then the end of March and April were all about indulgence.  And, may I say, in reaction: meh.

Oh, the distractions, the travel, the fetes and exceptions.  Let me count the ways!

2 Bridal Showers (1 involving loads of cheese!)

Bridal shower, sisters!

Post-Bridal-Shower at Irina's

1 Tiger Birthday--with beer making and burgers

Birthday Waffles!  A fine Tiger tradition.

Birthday beer making!

1 English Teacher Conference, 6am meeting time + conference food

Learning!

1 Celebration of the Literary Arts Festival, including dining and drinking wine with fabulous writers (worth it!)

63 flights of stairs, followed by a similar number of beers at the Library

Crumpled, for maximum aerodynamics

Look at this building I just climbed to the top of, from this other building I just climbed to the top of.

6 gallons of wine made at Bachelorette party

Tail Making!

Wine Making!

Post-Bachelorette Party Breakfast

2 bottles of wine and French food at post-final-wedding-dress-try-on-dinner with the girls

2 friends in from out of town to celebrate the wedding

17.5 hours of Maid of Dishonor Mayhem

Good hair was only the beginning

24 hours of post-wedding hangover (mainly from dancing, I swear)

3 days of 0 cycling this month!

several days of .1 miles of cycling on the trainer

And, way too many days of rain and 40 degree high temperatures.

April really has been the cruelest month.

Now, it is finals, and all those people who told me I shouldn't take on so many classes this semester were right.  (I knew they would be).

And, I am just finding that I can't manage near-perfect eating, hardcore fitness, wedding-ing, and end-of-the-semester-from-hell and beginning-of-extremely-challenging summer.

In the midst of all of this chaos, I am working on two things, okay three.

1) Remembering, I've got a lot my plate, and while you can be good at some of the things some of the time, you can't be good at all the things all the time.  This is not my time to be good at eating healthy and exercising like a champ.  That time will come again.

2) Summer, I have learned, is not a magical panacea of time and motivation to exercise.  It is probably going to be just as hard, in different ways, to get 'er done.  I need to practice good expectation management, whilst also getting my sh!t together.

3) I've got a Pie-A-thlon coming up!  And, I've got to bring it Bad-Ass-Unicorn-Style for Goldie!  That means: some treadmill/running and some swimming need to get into the rotation of spin classes I have been dragging my biscuit to in the middle of all this spring-mayhem.

Oh, yeah, and only 88 days until the best week of the year.

Oh No You Didn't! A List of Those Irritating Things

The one thing that gets my goat at the YMCA start with two parking spots, in the corner of the lot.  They are small and clenched between two concrete pillars.  There is space for two cars in this spots, given that the cars are of reasonable size and people take care when they are parking.

I particularly like to part in the one in the corner, during the winter months, because that is where the pool vents out and it is always 20 degrees warmer and more humid in that spot.  It defrosts my car while I am working out, which is nice.

Yet, some @$$holes with HUGE trucks park in the middle of the spots.  And, they do this when there are limited spaces.  The lot is automatic, so when it is full, it tells you at the gate, but it won't register as full until all the spots are filled.  And, these jerks take two spots!  This is especially @$$-ish when it is raining and everyone wants a covered spot.

Four Parking Spots: Two Jerks

This among many things was irritating me this morning, but rather than just make a list of all the things that annoy me, I decided to work on balance.  So, for balance sake, for every thing that pisses me off, I have to say something awesome.

Irritation #1: Bad Y Parking

Awesome #1: When I was leaving the Y today, in the rain!, I noticed at in the apartment tower, there was crazy blue light beaming from all the windows of one of the pent house.  What are they doing up there at 6 in the morning?  A rave?

Early Morning Rave

Irritation #2: Smooth Jazz--Tony Valdez teaches Wednesday mornings.  And, he has an unfortunate affiliation, that comes with a man of a certain age, for smooth jazz.  Eeeww.  

Awesome #2: At the same time, it is awfully cool to take a spin class taught by a local celebrity.  

Irritation #3: I hate it when spin instructors rely mainly on "standing" on the spin bike to make the work out harder.  Stand.  Sit.  Stand.  Sit.  This does not mimic good riding on pavement.  It's annoying.  

Awesome #3: The new spin bikes, with the computers, are awesome and really fun.  

Irritation #4: People who chit-chat all the way through spin class.  Dude, when I am standing and slogging my way through a Huey Lewis song (see #2 and #3), I don't want to hear the in-distinctive murmur of chit chat.  Shut up and work harder.  This isn't coffee tawk, people. 

Awesome #4: The folks that attend Tony Valdez's classes, and Janann's classes are really nice and welcoming.  One lady even invited me to ride outside with them on Friday mornings when the weather gets nicer.  

Irritation #5: People taking pictures of me, while I am doing karaoke, that are unflattering.  Don't they know that I cannot be shot from a side angle?  It's my worst angle!  

What happened to my neck?!?

Awesome #5: There is no diet & exercise slump buster so good as seeing a hideous picture of yourself.  This image, and this image alone, is what made me get out of the warm, cozy bed this chilly rainy morning and go to spin class and endure all those irritations.  And, it also made me start tracking my eating again this morning.  Negative inspiration works for me!

Bonus awesome: I do have the kind of job where I get to do karaoke all day.  That's pretty cool.  

Saboteur! I am going to kill you for real!

Climbed It.

Another year Fight For Air Stair Climb is in the books!  This year's climb was completely sponsored by my friends, Steven and the Mayor.  Thanks Smiths!  

2013 Results

In summary, this climb felt better than last year, which was painful.

2012 Results

But not as good as the first year.

2011 Results

Climbing stairs is not the most fun way to spend a Sunday.  This year when I climbed with the studs on the DMACC Team--they are an impressive group of athletes.  I also got to hang with Goldie and Ry-Ry after the climb (maybe a bit too after the climb fun was had by all), which was great.  As a good church-lady, we rarely get to hang with Goldie on Sunday-Funday.

I assumed that doing the climb over and over would be a good way to encourage me to set a bench mark and move past it each year, but it doesn't seem to work that way.

The climb is definitely something that I under prepare for.  Maybe because I was well prepared for the first year, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, I kind of slack off on the training for the subsequent years.

Or, my other theory, is that I am, in fact, my own best saboteur!


Yes, I have the sneaking suspicion, after my Lenten fasting and then workouts feel apart, that I am my own worst enemy.  I could have trained a lot more and better for the climb.  But, I didn't.

I sign up for these activities that are designed to scare me into hard work.  But instead of working hard, I fall to pieces.  If I don't train, and I don't do well, well, at least I know why--right?

I mean, seriously, I made a goal.  Why didn't I stick to the plan, train for it, and rock it?

I feel like a rock star when I don't eat sugar.  I feel like crap when I eat like crap.  Why can't I just keep not eating sugar and flour?

Ugh.

It seems so simple, and yet, it's so dang tricky.  I am strong until I am not.  I have will power until I don't.  I bite the bar, and sometimes the bar bites me.

Perhaps I need to get back to basics here.  The Pieathlon, my last official "event" is on May 11th.  Rather than leaving training and nutrition to chance, I need a goal, a plan, and a schedule.  I'll go work on that.  You guys stay tuned.

Spring Break Killed SecuLent, but That's Okay

Secu-Lent ended with a fizzle, or was it the crisp pop of a wine bottle, rather than a bang.

March 18th was when it began to sputter.  I was visiting my cousins in Kansas City on my way to Arkansas.  I didn't want to explain SecuLent to them, so when they offered me a glass of wine (they drink really good wine!), I didn't say no.  Nor did I say no to the pizza joint we went to for dinner.

SecuLent struggled on as I visited my folks in Arkansas.  I didn't eat perfectly, but I ate pretty well.  A Jimmy John's unwich here, Greek yogurt with sugar there, and a bike ride and water aerobics class for good measure.  Of course there was the business of the crepe stand in downtown Bentonville (oh, Elvis crepe and Tillamook cheese, you were fantastic!).  And, the Wendy's I ate on the long painful drive home.

Want to experience suffering?  Throw your back out then drive six hours in a Mazda Protege with no speakers.

Saturday, March 23rd was a bridal shower, with all the dainties that bridal showers offer up.

And, Sunday, March 24th, was the Tiger's birthday, with sandwiches and cupcakes and waffles and beer.

Then, last week, the homestretch, SecuLent collapsed.  Was it the tiny Snickers scattered in bowls all over campus?  The Girl Scout cookies?  The mid-week beer and white bread?  Was it the bike ride to the brewery on Friday?  The fact that I wanted to sleep a lot more than go to the gym?  Or the day of wine and cheese for the second bridal shower?  Or was it Easter nonsense yesterday?

These are my sins, I confess.

A friend suggested that I "gave up" two weeks ago.  Ouch.  That stings.  But, did I really give up?  I don't feel like I "gave up."  I feel like I "lost it."  Like, my seculenten perfection was a train of thought that evaporates with the buzz of an incoming email.  It was like a whiff of perfume that lingers after a lady has left the room.  My mojo just left me.

And, I was feeling really bad about myself.  Easter should have been a celebration.  A taste of beer after a long dry spell, but it was just another in a series of "celebrations" that sent me further from the austerity of SecuLent.  "I suck," I thought.  "Everyone is so much better at everything than me."

Then I remembered an idea from Eat, Pray, Love (I know, I know, but I was listening to it in the car, until the speakers crapped out).  If you believe that we are all connected, then, if we are mean to ourselves, do wrong by ourselves, we are hurting other people.  And, I don't want to punch other people in the face, so I probably shouldn't beat myself up.

SecuLent wasn't a complete success, nor was it an abject failure.

• I rocked it for the first 34 days out of 44.  That's like a C.  C's get degrees.
• I showed myself that eating healthily and carefully is not hard, satisfying, and makes me feel great.
• I showed myself that I could put the weight gain trolley in reverse if I really try. 
• I did lose weight!  I just didn't lose as much weight as I could have lost.  But, I lost weight!

And, this morning, I realized, my hips and lower back don't hurt.  

Now what?  

• I will let some whole grain goodness back into my life, if only for the sake of my relationship.  The Tiger really thinks we need to eat some beans and healthy pizza.  And, I miss steel cut oats.  
• I am going to keep counting calories and recording what I eat because it keeps me balanced.
• I am going to try to resist the cupcake conspiracy as much as I can, and try to keep the drinking to an enjoyable, weekend minimum.  
• I won't beat myself up, because for me, this is tricky stuff.

The question that I keep coming back to is how do I lose weight and also have a social life?  I always think that if I went to a fat camp, I could drop the weight in no time.  I could be the Biggest Loser!  But, life creeps in.  Friends get married.  Good-wine drinking cousins are visited.  Writers need to be lunched, and some times, you have to skip a meeting on a Friday and go for a bike ride and a beer.  How do I find balance?  What's the answer?  

I don't know.  And, that's okay too.  

This morning I realized that this is my "big problem."  Everyone has a "big problem," the one they keep banging their head against.  Our "big problem" shifts throughout our life.  What was once our "big problem" might now seem like that whiff of perfume.  But, we are all working on that one "big problem" and they are all different.

For the longest time, having a job I wanted was my "big problem."  Now, it's something else.  Now, it is about finding the balance between being healthy, treating myself with care, and also celebrating life.  Of course, I don't know the answer.  That's what living is for.  For figuring it out.  And, I am lucky that this is my big problem.  Especially, when I look at the challenges my friends and fellow bloggers face every day with grace and determination and grit, I realize, as "big problems" go, it is a pretty manageable one to have.  

Hallelujah. 

Things I Should and Shouldn't Do

Kathy our receptionist at work always says, "exercise will kill you."  Maybe I should listen to her.

For a month, I have been on the mend from Back-Attack 1.0.  I took it easy at the gym, cut back the weight lifting, and focused mainly on low impact activities.  

On Friday, I was doing spin class with Tony Valdez, which is fun and everyone is really nice, especially the gal sitting next to me, who invited me to her "abs and back class" from 6:05-6:30.  I didn't have to walk the dog because the Tiger had the morning off, so I decided to try it out.  

Huge mistake.  

Somewhere in between the V-ups and the push-ups and the side-to-side crunches the old S9 vertebrae decided to protest again.  I came home with a pretty sore back Friday morning.  

I planned to swim and spin on Saturday, so I figured I would get in the pool and see how I did.  I was a bit stiff, but I thought it might loosen things up.  Swimming, fine.  Spinning, okay.  I even did 40 minutes of walking/jogging on the treadmill (yeah, little private triathlon of training--I am awesome).  Fine.  Working out, all fine.  

Then, in the afternoon, more pain.  

After my pain killers wore off last night, and today, super pain.  

Dramatic reenaction of my butt and back pain.

Here are the things that are not fine: sitting, getting up from sitting, standing too long, rolling over in bed, bending over slightly to the side in either direction, picking up heavy things, laying down sometimes.  I went into see the doctor today because the last time I had these symptoms, I also had a UTI (TMI?), which can cause severe back pain and infect your kidneys, yikes!

Since the symptoms of Back-Attack 2.0 were nearly identical to Back-Attack 1.0, I decided I better get check out.  

Nope, it's just the S9 acting up again.  Only this time, I have way less pharmaceutical assistance.  Anti-inflammatory drugs, heat, and taking it easy--stupid!

I did make an appointment with my real doctor.  Hopefully she can give me some ideas for how to take care of my problematic hips and lower back a bit more proactively.  Maybe some physical therapy?  I'd like to avoid back attack 3.0.  

So, yes to low impact stuff once I am healed.

No to abs and back classes, at least until I get a prescription for that kind of activity.

Or maybe I should just give up on exercise.  It will kill you.  

Been There, Done That: Yeah!?!

During Secu-Lent I weigh in on Wednesdays, because Lent started on Wednesday, February 13th.  Last Tuesday, the Dow hit its record high and someone on the "All Things Considered" described the significance.

The analysis of the Dow said something like, "well, it's good, because people made back the money they lost in the recession.  But, it's not like there is going to be any champagne corks popping."

That's how I am feeling.  Secu-Lent has been a great success in the first half +.  For the most part, I feel good.  I am losing weight.  And, it hasn't been that hard (okay, this week has been a bit hard).  I am also feeling pretty good in the gym.

Yet, despite my successes, I feel like I am still just making up lost ground.  If I hit my next "milestone" tomorrow, that puts me back at where I started in January 2012.  Ugh.

If I follow that logic, though, that I am just treading trodden ground.  I have to get to my lowest weight in recent history: after the Juice challenge when I bottomed out at 214, before I will be covering new territory.