Why Don't I Love to Hike?

(Sorry for the blog hiatus--I was having a little blog block).

I was just on the phone with Steven, discussing plans for our upcoming weekend of Beaver.  My friend Pete and I are driving out to Colorado for a blitzkrieg of fun in celebration of our friend Ranger Dave doing the Superior Morgul Bike Race (no one knows what a morgul is or how to pronounce it). 

Only you can prevent kickstands.

Steven, the Mayor, and Pete are all agitating for a hike during our free time on Saturday.  Pete being super ambitious wants to take a huge crew of everyone he knows in Colorado on a quick jaunt up Long's Peak.  The Mayor has some delightful 7-mile climb with only a half-mile of pure punishment at the end. 

Going hiking is fine by me, but (of course there's a but), I do have some concerns.  1) I want to see my pal Ranger Dave.  I only get to see him once, maybe, twice a year.  (The last time I saw him we got to hang out for about 2 hours, drinking homemade Irish car bombs in his hotel room.  Ranger Tip: try making your white Russians with vanilla vodka).  He has to race on Sunday, so he may not want to hike on Saturday.  If he doesn't, I just want to do something at his speed. 

2) Agenda juggling.  Pete involves creating plans that are overly complicated and overly ambitious.  Finding the perfect hike and/or activity to meet everyone's Colorado needs is going to be tricky.  Pete wants to see all his cousins, friends, and Ranger Dave, and go to the bike races and be home bright and early for work Monday morning.  I find that the proportion of people you try to hang out with/accommodate is directly related to a decrease in quality and satisfaction of time. 

3)  Pete is usually overly ambitious in the fitness department.  Pete once argued that we should "hike in" during a winter camping trip.  Which meant he wanted to take 500 pounds of gear about 50 yards, through the snow, in order to get away from an entirely empty campground.  When Pete schedules a hike he picks the hike that will be challenging, because he loves challenging himself, and that's awesome.  But, it is often more like the Bataan death march for everyone else. 

While I was voicing these concerns to Steven she said, "I know you are trying to avoid going on a hike during this trip." 

And, that got me thinking.  Do I hate hiking?  It seems so anti-me.  I certainly like the idea of hiking.  I love mountains.  I love fresh air, and the out of doors.  I love trail mix.  I am freaking nuts about back packing.  So, why am I so resistant to hiking?  After some deep contemplation (i.e. the drive home), I think I figured it out. 

On the Superior Hiking Trail, pointing back to where we came from that morning!

Firstly, and most importantly, I think, when I do locomotion-style activities, I like to being going somewhere.  I am like a barn broke horse.  My favorite bike rides are the ones where I ride to a destination (the high trestle bridge, or the Cumming Tap, or various breweries around Colorado), and when I reach that destination, I know I will be headed home (ah, home, with showers and food, yeah!).  I love, love, love backpacking because you are trying to get somewhere, your next campsite, and when you get there, you get to play gear. 

Yesterday, for example, I took a long bike ride.  I rode to Redfield and back.  There's not much in Redfield besides a bar and an ice cream shop, but I found a great coffee shop in Adel that has amazing cookies and cheap coffee.  I looked forward to that coffee stop the whole ride.  Then, once I was caffeinated, I looked forward to going home.

Another example: I don't mind walking the dog.  There is a purpose.  If you don't walk that little red-headed hell beast, she goes crazy and in turn drives me crazy.  But, just going for a walk?  I could take it or leave it. 

But hiking, just for the sake of hiking, doesn't seem to have that same quality.  It has always struck me as sort of wandering around.  You drive to a trail head.  Walk for a while, then, get back in the car.  What's my motivation?  Where am I going?  Are we exercising?  Are we socializing?   Are we site-seeing? 

Had lots of fun hiking around Ledges State Park with the Morefields.

Secondly, I'll be honest, I am not very good at hiking and I get embarrassed.  I don't want people whom I love and respect to see me huffing and puffing up a mountain.  I don't want to see those pitying looks as they wait for me to lug my fat rear end up the next switch back, only to have them take off as soon as I get there because they are all rested up.  I don't mind doing things that I am not good at, and I know that I need to do those things in order to get into better shape, but I don't have to do them in front of people. 

If I have to get to the top of a mountain, I will.  Just leave me on my own, in my little bubble of woe, and I will get there.  But, don't make me pretend to be enjoying myself, while trying to chit-chat (using only the shortest of words), when on the inside I am dieing.

Third, people who are behind you take horrible, disgraceful pictures of your ass while you are hiking.  There is a reason you can't really see your own ass!  If I could, I would just toss myself off a cliff. 

It's like my own personal boulder.

Anyway, whatever we do on this highly sought after Saturday afternoon, I am sure it will be amazing, because I am going to be surrounded by some of my favoritist people in the world.

And, I have to say, that probably I haven't given hiking enough of a chance.  And, if Steven and the Mayor love it so much there is probably something to it.  If we don't get to it this time, I am sure there will be time when the Tiger and I come out for the fourth of July/Brewery 100 trip. 

Now I say something about the destination is not the journey, the journey is the journey, blah, blah, whatever.  What it boils down to, is I don't hate hiking.  I just haven't fallen in love with it yet.