What I'll Do on My Summer Vacation: Become a Professional Athlete

On March 27th I climbed 1,00 stairs for the Fight for Air Climb. The night before the climb, my sister Emily and I did some "carbo-loading" with fancy bread and pizza. After the climb, I got a therapeutic adjustment from a handsome young chiropractoristory student from the D.M.U. All of that exercise, and smart eating, and competition, and therapeutic palpitating was so good that I decided it must be great to live like a professional athlete.

Then, I became a sloth.

But this summer, I've decided to become a professional athlete. I am going to live the life, buddy. Weight lifting, extreme dog-walking, locally-grown home-cooked meals, massages, bike riding, foam rollering, and hot tubs if I can find them!

Question: "Who," you ask, "which team is going to sponsor you?" Is it Trek? Is it Mountain Hardwear? Is it Chuck's Garage down on east 6th avenue, honest service, honest prices, seasonal flooding?

Nope, it's me.

Lauren Rice is proud to announce the birth of Team Rice. I am going to sponsor my own summer of professional athlete-ism, with myself footing the bill! No complaints about the team budget here: it's mine. No shilling sports drinks for "the man," because I'm him. No pressure to "win," because, as you know, I've already won.

Question: "Lauren," you ask, "how are you going to afford to live the life of a professional athlete?"

Answer: I'm going to keep working. This summer I am scheduled to teach two classes online. That's part time, with no commute. Once those classes are set up for the summer, the bulk of my work will be grading papers and answering emails. Once that's done for the day, it's off to the gym followed by a nice "recovery beverage" of chocolate milk, a power nap, and a bike ride. I already shell out for my "workout facility" (YMCA) and "coach" (a combination of Gwyn and my bike boyfriends). I'll just budget for a little extra Advil and some massage time and bam!

Furthermore, I'm don't have to pay to enter all those "races" and "events," except for, you know, The Big Ride. For example, I don't have to be bothered with flying to France with my many team bikes, paying domestiques, or bribing doping officials. Team Rice will compete with the only worthy adversary, Team Rice.

Question: "What will the typical schedule of a Team Rice Athlete look like?"

Answer: It will look like whatever I want, but here's an example of a typical day spent training with Team Rice.

6:00 am Extreme dog walk
7:00 am Weight training at the YMCA with top fan, Lexi
8:30 am Breakfast and shower
9:00-12:00 am Work (school, social networking, blogging, and answering Team Rice fan mail).
12:00 pm Lunch
1:00-4:00pm Bike Ride
4:00-7:00 House and Garden Work
7:00 pm Dinner and Tiger Time
10:00 pm Sleepy Time

Of course, the schedule may vary. Perhaps, one day, I will want to increase the amount of gardening from regular gardening to extreme gardening, then I can decrease the bike ride. On Tuesdays, I'll hit Gwyn's H.E.A.T. class which will leave me too busted to walk, so I'll need an afternoon of recovery at Saylorville Lake. Wednesday nights there's yoga, and I'd love to sample the Ed Veak workout at the Fitness Co-op. Permutations abound with the Team Rice schedule, but suffice to say, it's going to be pretty extreme.

Question: "So what's life really like at Team Rice headquarters?"

Answer: Banging. The life of a Team Rice athlete is amazing. Team Rice athletes have 24-7 access to a puppy and the love of their life. Team Rice athletes are provided with posh housing and accommodations at the luxurious "Tiger Den" where meals are cooked to order by their personal in-house chefs. Team Rice athletes are also mentally stimulated through the teaching of Composition 105 and through rigorous blogging.

In fact, the only thing that is missing in the life of a Team Rice athlete is permission to turn a fun little work out hobby into a full-time (summer) job. This summer, permission granted.

Team Rice officially launches May 11th, with the completion of spring semester grading, so stay tuned for Team Rice updates on this blog and @lrrice on Twitter.