This year, as predicted, I was the weakest link on Team Beaver. I decided to swap out working for fitness this summer, so I would have the funds for all the fun, even if I didn't have the fitness to actually make them fun.
Of course, we had a solid squad this year. The new-and-improved Mayor always gets fast and sassy on the ragby, and we brought rookie of the year Ranger Dave along for the week, and he's a racer. In the past, I have always been able to keep up-ish. This year, meh, not so much. We also had a very fit Goldie and Co. and a Masinga who like runs and stuff. I was just the Red Lantern. Whatever.
Here's what I learned from being at the back of the pack, and after careful consideration, I realize, I'd rather not stay back there for my 5th RAGBRAI (only 357 days away!).
1. Slow Folks Don't Get to Pick the Stops--the fast guys do. If they see a promising stop along the road, they can pull over and flag the other beavers down. Slow gals have to keep riding until they see the other beavers. Of course, I could stop wherever I want to, but that would throw a kink in the beaver-chain (more on that in the future, Goldie), so mostly I just kept moving until I found the R.D. and the Mayor.
The Mayor and I encountered this issue when we were riding through DSM. We were pulling up the rear into the State Fair grounds. We looked for a beaver on the way through, but we didn't see anyone, so we figured they must have rolled on, as Goldie and Co. were excited to get to Runnells. We kept riding and not seeing anyone and grumbling that they were eager beavers to the free banana stop about a mile outside of town.
There we checked the phone and realized they had stopped, a lot. And, we were losing RAGBRAI by being in the front! (In our defense, no one stopped and put up the Universal Stay Together Signal). The RD was about 8 miles behind us (a 6-7 nanosecond ride for him), while Goldie and co. were still in DSM! We had to cool our heels in the beer garden.
We could have stopped for beer and an amazing slip and slide, but because we thought we were the slow guys, we had to keep on trucking. We rode like 20 miles! In. a. row! Before snacks or beer!
2. Slow Folks Don't Get to Buy the Beer--which is not all bad, but buying beer for your friends is fun on RAGBRAI. When you are slow, the beer is either there waiting for you, or one of the fast guys is already in the line buying the beer.
Every time I tried to buy beer, I would arrive, with three Busch Lights and find that the Mayor or the RD had already bought three Busch Lights. Then, we'd have 6 Busch Lights, and you know what happens then.
3. Slow Folks Ride With Whomever Wants to Ride With Them--when you are fast, you can just slip off the front and ride ahead, or coast back and pick up whomever you want to talk to. When you are slow, you don't have that luxury. So, for example, when you are panting up a hill, and maybe you just want to go to the dark place to brood about your poor decision to not ride bikes so much this summer, you can't, because your cheerful friends are riding along side.
I had a moment outside of Minburn, after an 8:45am shot of whisky (!) and a Busch Light at a free beer stop, when I was getting super-hangry, but the town was running out of food as the horde of spandex locusts had fallen upon it. I needed to get out of there, otherwise, I might unleash my hanger on my dear friends. Thankfully, they let me bike it out that morning. I made it to town ahead of the group (they stopped for pee breaks and snacks along the route), and I mauled a piece of pie, a banana and a breakfast bowl and felt better.
I'd prefer to have the option to keep my hanger, and sanger, and baggitude to myself, but when you are slow, you don't have that option. If your friends want to try to cheer you up through the hanger or drag you out of the dark place, you just have to let them.
4. Slow Folks Gets Tired and Can't Go All Out--being out of shape meant that the ride took a bit more of a toll on me, so in Osky, when the crew decided to keep things real and head downtown, I had to hit the Therm-a-rest. I hated missing the fun, but I was so, so tired.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really care where I stop, and I love to have people buy beers for me, I am super into sleeping, and a lot of times, having a little cheerful chit chat during my dark-places rides is fantastic, but I was surprised by the way that just being able to "drive heave" the Ragby limited my options.
It's like pie (it is always like pie). When you are fast, you can make it to town before the rhubarb runs out. If you are slow, you are stuck with whatever pie they have. That pie is still good, but it's not rhubarb.
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| Fast guys having fun. |
To make a getting-to-be-long-blog-short: fast guys have more fun. Rhubarb me!
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