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| Gold Stars! |
THIRD GRADE STYLE MOTIVATION
A long time ago, I decided I wanted to do a star-chart for my fitness endeavors. I wanted to see how all those work-outs stack up over time. My calorie counter on the phone didn't work, even this blog didn't work. I needed gold stars and a recycled DMACC pet calendar.
Originally, I thought I would do multi-color stars and code the star-colors for different workouts: gold for cycling, green for weight lifting, red for cardio, blue for swimming, you know...but Walgreens didn't have multi-color stars, so gold it is.
I guessed, correctly, that this star chart would be motivating. I was right. I love giving and receiving gold stars. Double boom.
Last week, during the SRE, there are more gaps than usual, and those were motivating too. I am bizarrely, weirdly, totally third-gradely motivated to fill those gaps. If it works for 3rd graders, it works for me. I suggest you try it. It doesn't have to be for working out. Give yourself a gold star for every day that you don't hit a squirrel with your car or cleaning the bathroom or voting. Trust me, it works!
HATERS
Gold stars are only part 1 of this blog. Part two is a big ole pot of thinking stew that's been simmering for a while. Recently, it boiled over and covered the stove-top of my brain with a thick, gooey mess, much like this metaphor is doing.
I was at a party on Saturday night. Various Bruces (Bruce = Australians) and Bruce-want-a-bes were talking about a Bruce that wasn't there. The absent Bruce is kind of a nut-job. He bought the cheapest mountain bike he could find and rode it 16,000 miles across the country. He lived down by the Des Moines river eating catfish all summer, and he gets "pissed" (that's how the Bruces say it) like a champion.
The Bruces at the party were talking about the time the absent-crazy-Bruce got his jaw wired shut. The Bruces were speculating about how he broke his jaw. Then, one of the Bruce-want-to-bes, says, "yeah, he probably f*cked the wrong fat chick."
(Full disclosure: I have met the absent-crazy-Bruce, and he was "pissed." [On Fosters!] He actually hit on this fat chick, though I turned out the be another wrong fat chick. Hence my interest in this Bruce-tale.)
Why people (and not just Bruces) got to hate on the fat chicks? Geez. We got it hard enough being fat chicks.
I have a friend, a very smart, well-educated, worldly friend. He has been my friend for a long time. He is also not exactly known for his sensitivity, despite his great intelligence.
On several occasions, he has said something along the lines of, "oh, the fat guy?" Or "is she fat?" in a very mean-spirited way. I am often surprised by the number of derogatory comments about fat and fatness made by this friend, especially in the presence of me, a genuine fat person.
If one were to guess from these comments it feels as if this person really has a problem with fat people. Hates fat people, even.
Surprised, because I know that he knows that fat people are just like regular people but with a more cushion for the pushin'. Sure, maybe fatness bespeaks some sort of weakness in self-control, but that isn't any reason to be drinkin' the hater-ade.
Surprised even more because I never know how to take these fat-comments. Am I supposed to be getting a hint, that even though my friend loves me, he doesn't love my fatness and I need to lock it up? Or, am I exempt from these feelings? Do I get a special fat-hate exemption because we are pals?
I can't think of another physical characteristic that people in general seem so eager and open to discussing, in mixed company, with such disgust. Can you imagine saying, "oh, that guy has gotten so bald," or "yeah, he must have f*cked the wrong ginger girl." The vitriol is just not there.
Where did all this hate come from?
I am not in the business of making proclamations about cultural phenomenon, but I will say this, it never hurts to err on the side of niceness. And, if you are feeling me today, dear readers, be nice to fat person in your life today. They've got a lot on their shoulders (and butts, and thighs, [I just couldn't resist, but it's okay, look at that before picture!]).
KNOW-IT-ALLS
One of the best parts of being open about my weight loss ambitions is that I can get a lot of help from my super-smart friends, colleagues, the inter-web, doctors, trainers, fellow-bloggers, family, etc. Whenever I cast a question out into the void, I get something in return.
For example, when I visited my doctor, I explained how confused I was about how many calories I needed to be eating, versus how much I needed to exercise, etc. I'd gotten a lot of conflicting advice. My doctor said this.
"Oh, you are a college teacher, well that's probably a pretty sedentary job. You should aim to exercise an hour a day, seven days a week."
As for eating, he said that we eat too many sugars and starches. He recommended eating a lot of vegetables, lean protein, and ditching the desserts and corn/potato stuff so common in the midwest.
I love it! I don't always follow it, but I love it. It's so simple, so clear.
I have, of course, gotten some pretty crazy advice too. For example, I was out with some of my underclassmen friends. I don't know how we got into this conversation, but one of my friends say, "people just need to realize, if you want to stay in shape, all you have to do is walk a mile every day, that's it."
Of course, this profound advice was coming from a slender man who drinks, smokes, and once played soccer. He's got the metabolism of a young man in his 20s because he is a young man in his 20s.
I walk about 3 miles every single week day with little Miss Holiday. Clearly, this advice isn't right, or, at least, it is not right for me.
Another time, I was talking to a friend. I had mentioned how much I had enjoyed spinning classes. His response was, "all of these exercise programs are just so ridiculous. The only thing that matters is portion control."
Again, super-skinny friend telling me this. Naturally skinny. If I had to guess, I would say this person has never had to worry about putting on weight in his life. When has he ever had to think about portion control?
Maybe he does, I don't know, but I doubt it. I doubt very highly.
Last night, I mentioned something about Beav-X-90, and the Tiger launched into yet another one of his tirades against Beav-X-90. "It's a bad work out. All you do is lift weights. You are just going to be putting on muscle underneath the fat."
Now, the Tiger did about two weeks of Beav-X-90. Then he dropped out. I have asked the Tiger to stop ranting against an activity that I am sacrificing so much time, money, and sleep to do every day for 90 days. If he doesn't want to do it, that's fine, but I am finding value in it, so please stop bad-mouthing it. I have also suggested, not so sweetly, that coming from someone who never exercises, his advice falls pretty flat. I have also suggested that he shut the hell up, which I did last night.
What I am trying to do is not create a catalog of the injustices and un-fair-ities that people have perpetrated against me (though, thank goodness for the internet that I have a platform). My point is to reiterate something Gwyn said to me a long time ago and something I was working on believing with my last blog post.
When you are trying, with limited success to lose weight, it seems like you are always searching for the "magic bullet," that one perfect trick that will turn the nob and dump the weight once and for all. Maybe it is our quick fix (especially with weight loss) culture. Things aren't working, so I am desperately seeking advice. It's easy to hear that advice and then immediately internalize, "oh, that's why I am not successful."
I am certainly not suggesting that I don't want the input of my super smart friends. I will continue to seek it. I just need to not internalize everything.
You got to take what motivates you and work with it. If it doesn't motivate you, if it doesn't apply to you, if the person saying it doesn't know what the hell he is talking about, or if it hurts, then just ignore it.
And, those are my thoughts for my 90th (!) blog. Boom.
A long time ago, I decided I wanted to do a star-chart for my fitness endeavors. I wanted to see how all those work-outs stack up over time. My calorie counter on the phone didn't work, even this blog didn't work. I needed gold stars and a recycled DMACC pet calendar.
Originally, I thought I would do multi-color stars and code the star-colors for different workouts: gold for cycling, green for weight lifting, red for cardio, blue for swimming, you know...but Walgreens didn't have multi-color stars, so gold it is.
I guessed, correctly, that this star chart would be motivating. I was right. I love giving and receiving gold stars. Double boom.
Last week, during the SRE, there are more gaps than usual, and those were motivating too. I am bizarrely, weirdly, totally third-gradely motivated to fill those gaps. If it works for 3rd graders, it works for me. I suggest you try it. It doesn't have to be for working out. Give yourself a gold star for every day that you don't hit a squirrel with your car or cleaning the bathroom or voting. Trust me, it works!
HATERS
Gold stars are only part 1 of this blog. Part two is a big ole pot of thinking stew that's been simmering for a while. Recently, it boiled over and covered the stove-top of my brain with a thick, gooey mess, much like this metaphor is doing.
I was at a party on Saturday night. Various Bruces (Bruce = Australians) and Bruce-want-a-bes were talking about a Bruce that wasn't there. The absent Bruce is kind of a nut-job. He bought the cheapest mountain bike he could find and rode it 16,000 miles across the country. He lived down by the Des Moines river eating catfish all summer, and he gets "pissed" (that's how the Bruces say it) like a champion.
The Bruces at the party were talking about the time the absent-crazy-Bruce got his jaw wired shut. The Bruces were speculating about how he broke his jaw. Then, one of the Bruce-want-to-bes, says, "yeah, he probably f*cked the wrong fat chick."
(Full disclosure: I have met the absent-crazy-Bruce, and he was "pissed." [On Fosters!] He actually hit on this fat chick, though I turned out the be another wrong fat chick. Hence my interest in this Bruce-tale.)
Why people (and not just Bruces) got to hate on the fat chicks? Geez. We got it hard enough being fat chicks.
I have a friend, a very smart, well-educated, worldly friend. He has been my friend for a long time. He is also not exactly known for his sensitivity, despite his great intelligence.
On several occasions, he has said something along the lines of, "oh, the fat guy?" Or "is she fat?" in a very mean-spirited way. I am often surprised by the number of derogatory comments about fat and fatness made by this friend, especially in the presence of me, a genuine fat person.
If one were to guess from these comments it feels as if this person really has a problem with fat people. Hates fat people, even.
Surprised, because I know that he knows that fat people are just like regular people but with a more cushion for the pushin'. Sure, maybe fatness bespeaks some sort of weakness in self-control, but that isn't any reason to be drinkin' the hater-ade.
Surprised even more because I never know how to take these fat-comments. Am I supposed to be getting a hint, that even though my friend loves me, he doesn't love my fatness and I need to lock it up? Or, am I exempt from these feelings? Do I get a special fat-hate exemption because we are pals?
I can't think of another physical characteristic that people in general seem so eager and open to discussing, in mixed company, with such disgust. Can you imagine saying, "oh, that guy has gotten so bald," or "yeah, he must have f*cked the wrong ginger girl." The vitriol is just not there.
Where did all this hate come from?
I am not in the business of making proclamations about cultural phenomenon, but I will say this, it never hurts to err on the side of niceness. And, if you are feeling me today, dear readers, be nice to fat person in your life today. They've got a lot on their shoulders (and butts, and thighs, [I just couldn't resist, but it's okay, look at that before picture!]).
KNOW-IT-ALLS
One of the best parts of being open about my weight loss ambitions is that I can get a lot of help from my super-smart friends, colleagues, the inter-web, doctors, trainers, fellow-bloggers, family, etc. Whenever I cast a question out into the void, I get something in return.
For example, when I visited my doctor, I explained how confused I was about how many calories I needed to be eating, versus how much I needed to exercise, etc. I'd gotten a lot of conflicting advice. My doctor said this.
"Oh, you are a college teacher, well that's probably a pretty sedentary job. You should aim to exercise an hour a day, seven days a week."
As for eating, he said that we eat too many sugars and starches. He recommended eating a lot of vegetables, lean protein, and ditching the desserts and corn/potato stuff so common in the midwest.
I love it! I don't always follow it, but I love it. It's so simple, so clear.
I have, of course, gotten some pretty crazy advice too. For example, I was out with some of my underclassmen friends. I don't know how we got into this conversation, but one of my friends say, "people just need to realize, if you want to stay in shape, all you have to do is walk a mile every day, that's it."
Of course, this profound advice was coming from a slender man who drinks, smokes, and once played soccer. He's got the metabolism of a young man in his 20s because he is a young man in his 20s.
I walk about 3 miles every single week day with little Miss Holiday. Clearly, this advice isn't right, or, at least, it is not right for me.
Another time, I was talking to a friend. I had mentioned how much I had enjoyed spinning classes. His response was, "all of these exercise programs are just so ridiculous. The only thing that matters is portion control."
Again, super-skinny friend telling me this. Naturally skinny. If I had to guess, I would say this person has never had to worry about putting on weight in his life. When has he ever had to think about portion control?
Maybe he does, I don't know, but I doubt it. I doubt very highly.
Last night, I mentioned something about Beav-X-90, and the Tiger launched into yet another one of his tirades against Beav-X-90. "It's a bad work out. All you do is lift weights. You are just going to be putting on muscle underneath the fat."
Now, the Tiger did about two weeks of Beav-X-90. Then he dropped out. I have asked the Tiger to stop ranting against an activity that I am sacrificing so much time, money, and sleep to do every day for 90 days. If he doesn't want to do it, that's fine, but I am finding value in it, so please stop bad-mouthing it. I have also suggested, not so sweetly, that coming from someone who never exercises, his advice falls pretty flat. I have also suggested that he shut the hell up, which I did last night.
What I am trying to do is not create a catalog of the injustices and un-fair-ities that people have perpetrated against me (though, thank goodness for the internet that I have a platform). My point is to reiterate something Gwyn said to me a long time ago and something I was working on believing with my last blog post.
When you are trying, with limited success to lose weight, it seems like you are always searching for the "magic bullet," that one perfect trick that will turn the nob and dump the weight once and for all. Maybe it is our quick fix (especially with weight loss) culture. Things aren't working, so I am desperately seeking advice. It's easy to hear that advice and then immediately internalize, "oh, that's why I am not successful."
I am certainly not suggesting that I don't want the input of my super smart friends. I will continue to seek it. I just need to not internalize everything.
You got to take what motivates you and work with it. If it doesn't motivate you, if it doesn't apply to you, if the person saying it doesn't know what the hell he is talking about, or if it hurts, then just ignore it.
And, those are my thoughts for my 90th (!) blog. Boom.
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