These tales are not limited to magazines. I am currently reading Ride Your Way Lean by the editors of Bicycling (I am totally susceptible to advertising) and it is dramatic-weight-loss-tale-extravaganza. I also "enjoyed" Heft on Wheels. (The guy uses the word "hammer" a lot.) Heck, I had a student in the Writing Lab who wrote one of these tales about losing 60 pounds in 75 days.
All of these tales seem to follow a series of steps, I will call: "The Stages of Dramatic Weight Loss."
-The History of Health: the subject did activities as a child to maintain weight (played soccer, naturally lean).
-But, there is The Lingering Bad Habit or Trigger (love of pizza, parent's divorce, troubled pregnancy).
-The Moment of Reckoning: subject goes through some sort of experience that makes them realize just how far gone they are (health problem, need to wear particular outfit for special event, etc.). This stage is often documented in "before" pictures.
-The Bliss of the First Week: the subject adds exercise, often a walk, and notices initial weight loss. Or the subject gives up one "bad" food habit, often soda or fast food, and notices initial weight loss.
-The Spiral of Positive Changes and Results: after initial weight loss, the subject is encouraged and ramps up intensity/time-frame of workout and occasionally starts to add dietary changes.
-The Plateau: the subject experiences a plateau. Weight loss stalls before goal. (Alternatively, this stage can manifest as the subject reacting initial goal and then deciding to continue).
-The Breakthrough: the subject makes additional adjustments, either in a more in-depth workout (getting off the treadmill, getting a trainer) or changes in diet and eating habits.
-The Victory: the subject achieves dramatic weight loss, gets professional photography doing something "active," (rock climbing, roller blading with beagles) to compare with "before" pictures.
-The Reflection: the subject reflects on how much her life has improved since the dramatic weight loss, describes helpful tips (eat a baked sweet potato with cinnamon instead of pie!), and describes future goals.
I love these stories is because in just a few short paragraphs, they contain all the elements of great American literature: a dark night of the soul, overcoming obstacles, triumph, set-back, and comeback.
Also, while these stories don't make dramatic weight loss seem simple, they sure don't make it sound impossible.
The Formula
Fat girl realizes she's fat.
+
Starts exercising and stops drinking pop and eating fast food.
=
Dramatic weight loss/victory.
Of course, I have day dreamed about being the subject of one of these stories, gracing the pages of Women's Health magazine: that fatty picture of me (upper right) compared to my svelte new thighs swung casually over the leg of a hot road bike, like some sort of fitness pin-up girl. Maybe it is the writer in me, but I see the right now as the fodder for this future piece of fitness journalism.
And, yet, I don't know what stage I am at. Something is just not clicking.
* I've realized I'm fat. I've had oh-so-many moments of reckoning.
* I don't eat crap. I rarely, rarely, drink pop and eat processed fast food, maybe once every other month. I do like to go to restaurants, and I do like my desserts, but like all the ladies in the fitness fairy tales, I have made a lot of smart swaps: low fat frozen yogurt for ice cream. Fruit instead of candy. One small bit of good chocolate instead of cake. I have been working hard to both limit eating out and the sugary devil.
* I worked out. And, my workouts have evolved from half-hearted half hours on the elliptical machine reading (of course) fitness magazines, to the grueling 5am slogs at Beav-X-90. Elliptical? Lame! Weight machines? What, you want me to sit down?!? It's all burpees and free-weights. And, I ride my bike miles and miles, inside and out. Though, arguably, I could be faster and better at climbing.
And, I am happy with the results. When I Beav-X, I feel myself getting stronger. Exercises that I never would have imagined, are easy.
Man-push-up? Boom.
Sandbag get-up with a 60 pounds? Done.
Countless squats and push-ups and sit-ups? Fine.
Riding my bike a 100-miles. Duh.
 |
| Boom. |
* I also follow all the other fitness and weight-loss related advice. I keep a food journal. I drink lots of water. I get out of my seat every hour and walk around. I set goals. I set smaller goals. I use positive thinking. I use smaller plates. I do events to keep me working hard. I weight lift. I take rest days.
But, I feel like the eat better + exercise more formula isn't working. I work out, and that's cool. I eat right, and I feel better. And that's about it. I don't experience fairy-tale-levels of dramatic weight loss. What gives?
The only time in my life I have experience dramatic weight loss was during the Juice Fitness Challenge. I was working out twice a day and eating 1,200 calories. No booze. The problem was that I was miserable. My body felt great, but all I did was sleep, workout, and measure and obsess about teeny-tiny bits of food.
I've long hoped to develop some level of moderation. Eat clean, work hard, but not give up on life's little indulgences 100%. I want to be equal parts healthy and sane.
So, here are my hypotheses.
* I eating too much. I have been counting calories and trying to stick to around 1,500 a day during the week. I eat mostly lean proteins, vegetables, and fruit, along with the occasional whole grain and some low-fat dairy. I try to keep track of what I am eating with my phone app, but I am probably under estimating. Most over weight people do. I don't think my Sunday "off-day" is too over indulgent, but maybe it is.
* I workout too much, or I don't do the right workout, or I don't workout enough. Gwyn always reminded me that it is a lot easier to lose weight when you first start working out. The more you exercise, the more your body adapts, hence the alligator push-ups I did this morning. But, we don't get a lot of straight up cardio in Beav-X. Maybe I am just not burning enough calories.
* My metabolism is broken. I had my body composition tested and it said that my BMR (basal metabolic rate) was about 1,800 calories a day, which seemed crazy low for someone with as much heft as myself. Though, I did read that you can't break your metabolism.
* I am not patient. All of this takes time and dedication. I give up too quickly and fall off the wagon.
* Aliens have implanted experimental, space-age insulation into my thighs.
I don't know.
What I do know is that despite my best efforts at eating well, working out hard, stressing less, drinking water, and trying to maintain a level of balance and moderation, dropping the pounds is not like a fairy tale. Sometimes it happens. Lots of times it doesn't. Usually, I just hover.
This week, on The Fat Cyclist, a blogger from England writes about losing hundreds of pounds. His strategy: ride 30 miles a day and eat 2,000 calories. It sounds so simple, and yet, I find it so difficult.
Perhaps this is why I read so many fitness magazines. I am searching for the answer, for that silver bullet, or better yet, fitness knight in shining armor that will save me from my weight loss purgatory and give me a fairy tale ending.
Your fairy tale ending could be in the mirror...look at those guns! If I could purr in a blog comment, I would.
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